Random Bits

It's time again for random bits.

Hope everyone is actually able to ENJOY some of this Holiday season and not just feel all crazy go nuts!

December: I am like a kid and love to get Holiday and Christmas cards! It's like Christmas every day! Which then reminds me that I need to leave something for the Postal Worker - and then I wonder what? Do they want home made cookies? I think I would NOT like to find homemade cookies in the mailbox. Did the maker wash their hands? Is their house clean? I only know what her front door looks like..... Suggestions anyone? Does anyone else do this?

Segueing into other things that are nice - in December or just anytime. A friend who GIVES you the other half of the appetizer they were taking to a party - so that you could show up at your party with a handmade yummy dish, because you totally forgot about it until oh shoot, we're leaving in 30 minutes. Perfect gift from a friend! Anyone else have a unexpected warm and fuzzy?

OR that your fun and super great neighbor down the way was in a bind and felt comfortable enough to ask if you could hang on to her child for a bit one evening so she could go to a Holiday Party. It's flattering that a new friend you don't know all that well yet, trusts you with the life of their child! So I guess I'll have to pretend that I don't yell all the time tonight and forced housework will have to wait until tomorrow night...

Fuzzy's Cousin - Wuzzy

My kid is weird. I guess all kids are a little weird....and I'm not saying weird is bad, it can just be a little hard sometimes. And as I write this, I'm having a little flash back to a something I used to say as an adolescent - "I'm not weird, just different". Guess apple doesn't fall as far from the tree as I thought.

Here's the story. My daughter Kate and her best little kindergarten friend S - both ended up with coats this winter that have that little fake fur fringe on the hood. When I went to pick her up the other day, the fur thing was off, as was S's and they were playing with them. Apparently they had also named them. Fuzzy is Kate's and S's I'm not sure of, but it's either a cousin to Fuzzy, or Fuzzy's mother.

I don't know why this drives me nuts. More likely because it's just one more thing I have to keep track of i.e did it make it home from school? Is it in the car? Didn't I just make my fingers bleed trying to button and snap that damn thing back on to her coat 6 times last week?

And then there's that creepy way she pets it while riding in the car. It's the fringe to your jacket girl! It's not a pet!

So when I was at the fabric store last week (I pretend that I sew.. mostly I just make messes, break needles and curse alot at my machine)- I saw this great fuzzy fleece stuff. The kind that leaves lots of little fuzzy fleece hair peices when you cut it - that part of it is not great. But I got all ramped up with the idea to make a 'real' Fuzzy. Or as I am calling him 'Wuzzy' - you know, Fuzzy's other cousin. I got these animal eyes and a little nose... and it will be legit! And since you're not allowed to take toys to school - I will not have to suffer the embarrassment of my strange child petting a fake fur friend during recess or whatever. (I'm kidding - I'm not really embarrassed.. that much.)

AND side note - fuzzy fleece stuff - HIDES all crappy sewing stitches! Yes! This is my kind of fabric.

So here is Wuzzy curled under the tree - awaiting the morning when he'll meet his little girl.

Wait, did I say my child was weird?

Keen Eye for the Creepy Guy

So my BFF was a corrections officer before she took on the full time job of chief domestic engineer (side note, have new found respect for her crazy life..). So I'm not sure if it's her observations and work stories that have made me see all strange men who eye my children as child molesters...or if it's some sort of innate Mothering instinct. But it's there.

On Sunday I envisioned a beautiful memory filled afternoon of having lunch and going to a play at the Seattle Children's Theatre (was fabulous!!) with my girls. They wanted to wear their fancy poofy holiday dresses and I let them. We got out of the house and headed downtown to begin our adventure. Right off the bat, said beautiful afternoon took a turn as I should have expected it to. The restaurant I chose close to the theatre that has great food, is not high priced and has nice staff - well it's a pub. And it was Sunday. And how in the heck could I have forgotten that there is football on Sunday (hello, have you met my husband?). When a Mom and her two young daughters wearing ridiculous poofy fancy dresses step into a pub on a Sunday... you get some looks. And these weren't 'awww, so cute!' looks... more like 'what the?' looks... Did I mention I even paid to park in the lot across the street?

We stood for a few uncomfortable moments waiting for a table. And then we headed back to the car so we could get to the food court of the Seattle Center for some hot dogs. Oh our beautiful memory filled hot dog lunch. And this is where my creepy alert was on high. The Seattle Center for most parts of the year is geared for children. And homeless folks who want to get out of the cold. And I'm pretty sure it's a mecca for child molesters.

As we sat eating (or not eating in the case of MY children) our Frankenfurter lunch extraordinaire - I see a man dressed as a train conductor (there is a huge train inside this time of year..) pointedly staring at my girls. At first, I thought ahhh it's because of the matchy matchy dresses... and I look up again and he has not dropped his gaze. Does he want us to acknowledge his train conductor status? I'm good thanks.. and I look up again - STILL staring. Red alert, red alert - out comes the stare DOWN. The mama bear stare down. WTF dude? What are you looking at? Because you step one foot closer to me with your creepy staring and I'll shove this hot dog so far.....

So then we have some time before the play starts, so we sit down to watch the dance exhibition from a local school of dance. Girls are 6-16. For me - there is really no need for any man who is alone, without children or seemingly related to any children in the vicinity to a.) interact with strangers children or b.) sit front row of a young girls dance recital. Totally biased I'm sure, but my BFF would tell you not.

As I look around there are lots of scummy (and I mean this in the level of cleanliness) old guys watching this show. In the seats, from the stairs, loitering around. Ah man.. I'm stereotyping and I know it - but there's something for gut instinct which I have relied on and been successful with many a time before. Gut alarm is on high and I'm thinking it's time this poofy dress party train moves on.

Being Present

With my new lifestyle change, I've been trying really hard to be 'present' - as I'm not known for my ability to sit still or stand still..or do anything slowly. As some Christmas song says "Christmas is an emotional time of year" or something like that - which is true. So I've tried to stop and take the time to be grateful for the little things in my everyday life that make me happy or make me smile or elicit a fist pump (see cat puke below) If you already do this - good on you. Me - not so good at it. So I'm trying and I challenge you to try it this week too!

I'm thankful for the small things, some of them being;

- Christmas music!
- Being able to burn nag champa and crank what my husband deems 'whiny' music in my new office.
- Power walks and sweaty long runs with fabulous girlfriends on really cold and frosty mornings!
- Watching my 3 year old jam out in public to the sound of a drum circle at the Seattle Center.
- Hearing the cat start to puke and actually catching it all on discarded paper sack before it ruined my carpet! Yes!
- A husband who supports me and willingly climbs tall ladders to put up Christmas lights even though he could care less about the holiday.
- Knowing how to successfully snake a shower drain. (this one of those disgusting but strangely gratifying chores..)

I'd love to hear a snippet from my friends out there - what is a little thing that made you stop a feel a bit warm and fuzzy....

Happy Monday all!

Spacial Awareness

I love people. Well, to clarify, I love watching and observing people. Today I had a nugget I can't pass up and is close to my heart. Spacial Awareness or lack thereof.

I'm at Trader Joes buying Hannukah Gelt for my daughter's kindergarten class. (Apparently she is now VERY much on board with Hannukah - I think only because she's the only one in her class that has any relationship with it and it makes her feel cool. I use the term relationship loosely, in that I force my husband to say the prayer for 8 nights while we light the menorah so my kids will understand what Grandma and Grandpa and the cousins celebrate. I bought a book with the prayers and attempted it myself the first year - and that was enough for him to take over the duties.)

So back to TJ's, I've got my gelt and an entire basket of other things I don't need like ginger cinnamon flavored coffee and salted caramels... and I head for a register. I mistakenly choose the one behind a woman who looks as though she has finished checking out. But she's a check writer. Damn! Check writer! The check is written, but she's apparently very diligently filling out the check register with her purchase details. Slowly. Very slowly. And she's a chatter. And she's chatting with the girl at the register. Who looks as pained I as feel about this exchange.

And then I hear the nugget, I think in reference to the person who was in front of her before I showed up. "I call it a lack of spacial awareness! I mean really! Not being aware of the people around you!" Aaccchhhemmm.... Perhaps you mean like ME behind you? WAITING for YOU??? Are you spacially aware of THAT? While the register next to me blows through two customers and you enjoy a leisurely chat? Ahh.. the irony.

It was really all I could take not to step up really close to her at this point.

Give me your spacial awareness story! We all have them.... unless maybe you're a check writer?! Hah!

Random Bits

Gobble Gobble - Hope Everyone had a Thankful Thanksgiving!

No long winded blog today - but merely a compilation or medley if you will of flotsam and jetsam I've picked up over the past week. (I will forever think of the Lionel Richie Medley we played in 7th Grade band when I hear the word 'medley'. Yes, Lionel Richie.)

- Hot rollers UP! How did I not know this? I consider myself very versed in hair and hair 'dos'. Seriously, I might have to be stripped of my girly girl status. But according to Allure online - to get that tousled look - it's hot rollers - rolled UP!

- Applegate Farms bacon is a YES with the kids and is nitrate free! First nitrate free pork product that passed the test! Yay! I know that the pediatrician wouldn't be thrilled that bacon, oh and sausage (turkey sausage) are the main protein components of my kids diet..

And I just have to shout out locally to my 'boot guy'. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when you you are pleasantly surprised at the quality of someones workmanship. My beloved Frye boots have new heels and a whole new lease on life. J&J Shoe Repair - Thank You! Job well done!

Lastly, my random observation of the day: It is a bit concerning to be sitting at a stop light only to look over and see that the car next to you is being driven by an elderly gentleman, wearing an oxygen tube. His wife didn't look very thrilled either. I'm just sayin.

Onward!

The Costco Food Sample

I am one of those Costco shoppers. I buy all those bulk staples that a family needs. I usually end up buying things I don't need too, but that's the whole point of it right?

However I really do NOT like going to Costco. It's like people just leave their brains in their cars before they hike across the parking lot. Or Costco attracts hordes of folks who are missing common sense. I'm still not sure which yet.

I've tried going at many different days and times - thinking that I'll eventually find the 'sweet' spot. So while Tuesday morning at 10A might be a lot less crowded, it's the slow moving Grandma and Grandpa set paired with the small restaurant business owner. Not a good combo.

I am strategic in my shopping there. I NEVER go down the 'gauntlet' if I can help it. (i.e. the middle aisle where people just stop their carts willy nilly, completely blocking everyone and everything. Completely unaware, or purposely unaware of their surroundings. Drives me NUTS! My husband thinks I'm crazy when I scream at him 'no no!' 'not that way' if we go shopping together. But I have a STRATEGY! Apparently he needs a field briefing before we go in...

But what just gets me the most... is the free food sample days. People will LINE UP down an aisle, crowded around a hair net wearing woman screeching the attributes of whatever foodstuff she is hawking... and they WAIT! You're waiting for that tiny sliver of quesadilla? For that fruit juice sample? You desperately want to have that meat ball? That you'll wait in a LINE for it? It boggles my mind. Am I alone in this? You're so starving that you absolutely just HAVE to have that sample and will elbow a 4 year old out of the way for it? Okay....

So fess up - have you hovered around a hot plate next to the frozen foods aisle? You realize you can get a $1.50 hot dog after check out.. right?

Elvis Has Left the Building

Many of my friends and family know that I've been struggling with the whole work life balance for a while. Particularly as my eldest started kindergarten. Even though I had a great job and a boss who was very flexible, I just didn't feel like I had the time I needed to do the 'kid stuff' and I just didn't want to look back and wish I had tried to make this happen.

So I decided to take the leap.

I now work for myself. Well really I work for Koenig Inc. (actually the IRS knows me as Kimberly Koenig Media) which includes a very bossy 3 year old and a sensitive 5 year old. And a husband who is incredible, but maybe needs to have the clothes hamper moved right next to his side of the bed. I'm just saying.

As my employment drew to a close and yesterday morning as we got everyone loaded in the car for school/pre school drop offs- there was much crying about ridiculous things, like no you can't take the magic wand to school and please will you use some words instead of grunts. I took the tactic that some Mom had confessed to me at an earlier date, and turned my hip hop music to ear bleeding level to 'freeze' them out. I danced in my seat, I sang.. I ignored whatever whining/crying was coming from the back seat. And I panicked. What in the hell was I doing? I was choosing to do THIS full time? This is the meaningful time together? I'm afraid I might find myself shouting 'no more wire hangers' soon...

Today as my eyes are puffy and I am prone to fits of nostalgic and fear riddled crying, my youngest climbed into my lap (at my new home office desk) and said to me "Mommy, my heart says I love you". And she squeezed me. And I squeezed her.

Here we go.

Yoga: An Inner Dialouge With Humming Bee Finale

Prelude:
I like yoga. I hadn't tried a class until about a year ago because I'm not known for my ability to sit still or be quiet. But I actually really really enjoy it. I consider it my 'church'. However, I am still not able to 100% 'quiet my inner mind' - no matter how much I focus on my breathing.

Yoga: 12Noon - Inner Monologue

Substitute teacher. She looks cool. She's very tall. I wonder if I did yoga all the time if my body would look like that. "Well, minus the 6 inches she has on me, that definitely helps. I wonder if she eats meat. She's super nice and chatty. Can you comfortably wear glasses while teaching yoga? I wonder if those are natural curls or if she used a curling iron. If she used a curling iron, I really need to know how she did that. She referenced her niece while we were talking before class, I wonder if she has a boyfriend or wants to have kids, she seems like she'd make a great Mom. Hmm.....

Wow, she's a very clear and comfortable instructor. She didn't seem at all yoga-y in the beginning. Those glasses made her look like a book worm or a scientist. Do you think scientists like yoga or do they have a hard time letting go too?

Oh greeeaatt... a late arriver. Please don't try to... damn. Squeeze in RIGHT beside me, so now I won't be able to put my arms out. And she's wearing heavy perfume. Gross. I really hate people that aren't cognizant of other people's personal space. I'm going to scoot my mat up a little bit so we're not exactly side by side. Are those fake rips in her pants or real rips? Oh, they're Nike, looks like those are on purpose. Focus inward..... breathing in and out. Is that a dead bug or an alive bug right beside my hand? Okay, it's dead. Phew.

"Focus over your right shoulder toward the back wall" Oh hey, look at all those ladies. That one looks like she does yoga all the time... I wonder where she got her tank top? Hmmm...

"Now for this next pose, if you are menstruating heavily or have neck problems, please stay in a bridge pose". Eewww.. did she just say menstruating heavily? First off, if I was, I wouldn't stay in that pose because then everyone would think I was...eewww.... and why? Is it like when you're camping and bears will come to your campsite because they can smell it? No, it's probably to do with balance or having all your head rush to your blood. I wonder if that one guy in the middle is taken aback...hmmmm...

"Please turn and face the window and move your hands over to your right foot in a side lunge" Hah. I'm standing at the end of my mat so that late arriver girl doesn't get my tush in her face, but she's not moving. Too bad for you - tush in your face. That's what happens when you CROWD. Focus on breathing..... clear your mind...

Wow - this was a nice class. Not too tough, a good intro back into yoga. Now we'll get to lay on our mats and do that inward focusing thing that feels like a nap to me.. ahh.. I love that. "And as the practice comes to an end, we're going to do something a little different. It's called Humming Bee Breathing. Put your hands over your eyes and over your ears, making sure not to constrict your nasal cavity. Breathe in and as you breathe out, humm. It will take over your whole body. Lose yourself in it. I will come around and gently pat you on the shoulder when we are finished." Whaaaaaa??? What? I thought she was cool. She's DEFINITELY all yoga-y. I'm going with vegetarian for sure. Man.. I don't want to do this. What If I'm the last one to be tapped on the shoulder and I'm still humming. Ah, let it go.. what do you care? Maybe it IS a nice escape. Just go for it. Okay.... ... hmm.. this is weird, but kind of nice? I can hear humming in the background through my closed ears. Wow, we almost sound like an acapella group. Wow someone over on the right has a VERY nice voice.... concentrate, focus...... oh, there's the pat... oh and I still hear humming.. phew. and from the pretty voice girl, maybe she's used to performing and doesn't care. I bet that's it."

Namaste.

Strangers, Toddlers and Bathrooms

It's pretty much established that I'm a bit weird and pay attention to the strangest things. Case in point last night.

The girls and I stopped to grab a bite before going down to watch Daddy's indoor soccer game. (First time in um... 2 years? Sorry sweets..)

The vote was for Pagliacci and so there we were. Now I know there are Mom's out there who don't bat an eye at eating out with their 5 and 2.5 year olds. For me, it can be a bit chaotic. Someone's always hanging off some railing or darting in front of a busser with a full tray, you get the picture.

We get our respective slices and drinks and Riley gets the high chair that she demanded and we sit at the table Kate selected - right next to both the bathroom and the garbage. Clearly this child needs to be schooled a bit in the restaurant department. But I obliged. Eeeh, easy access to napkins and straws...

We're eating and drinking and trying not to spill when I notice some tall man doing a bit of a potty dance near the bathrooms. He is sipping his beverage while waiting for the Men's room to become available. First of all - universal rule. NO FOOD OR DRINKS IN THE BATHROOM. That's just disgusting!! Unless you're out at 12A and it's a beer bottle that you shakily set down on the back of the toilet seat...but that's a different blog.

After waiting a bit - Mr. tall guy hot foots it into the ladies room instead. And wouldn't you know it - that's when Riley (who we're trying to encourage to potty train) announces she needs to go to the potty. I tell her we have to wait for the bathroom to be free. And deep inside myself I know this potty dancer is going to be in there for a while. Eww eww eww... Yep. And when he finally emerges I just know that the ladies room is a hot mess. I cannot and will not willingly take my toddler (or let's face it, it's really about me) into the ladies room. You just know it's not good. Toilet seat is probably still warm.

So I convinced my child to 'wait' to go the bathroom when we got to the soccer field. (Yes, I chose warehouse soccer bathroom over the former...). Of course she wouldn't and couldn't hold it.. but I'm totally okay with that.

I just have to say it again, why would you bring your drink with you into the bathroom?? He's probably the same guy that wears his socks into the airplane lavatory....

A Case Of Monday Morning RUDE

Deep breathing.. not letting others dictate the nature of my day... in through the nose.. out through the mouth....

People can be nice. People can be weird. People can be just plain RUDE. Especially when it comes to driving. This morning as I was driving to work, I stopped at a 4 way stop waiting to turn right in a neighborhood section of town. Beginning to cross the street where I would turn, I see what appears to be a homeless man, with TWO BROKEN FEET. As he starts his slow hobble.. I groan. Greeaaat... But I wait patiently. I mean jeez, the guy has two broken feet and probably no stable source of food or shelter.. I'll let him have the extra minute.

As I'm patiently waiting, some bitty with long dark hair in a light teal Honda Civic (did you CHOOSE that car?) decides that she will not follow the RIGHT OF WAY rule that dictates it is MY turn to go through the intersection and bolts thru. Practically taking out homeless broken foot man. First I'm bugged because did you not see the man has TWO BROKEN FEET and second, IT WAS MY TURN. No really. I was AT THE INTERSECTION BEFORE YOU SHOWED UP.

So then I'm fired up and make my right hand turn to follow this ugly rude car and make sure she is enjoying her usurped right of way. Funny how when the kids are in the car, the potty mouth words sometimes slip out.. but when I'm alone.. I sign language the word RUDE angrily so she can see it in her rear view mirror. (Really? What IS that?)

She turns right a block before I do... and as I secretly try to race to beat her to the next intersection, find myself behind a bus. That is behind a garbage truck. That is stopped to pick up garbage. Alright, alright.. let the rude car go.....

I'll put some hope in karma.

Happy Monday!

Dog Poop Etiquette and Other Things That Keep Me Up

Jeff often says that he is boggled by the things I spend time thinking about. I can't help it. I just see stuff and it makes me think and then that takes me to another thought... and yes, I have a hard time sleeping. (Unless it's finale night of a great show and them I'm out early. What gives?)

Driving home the other night with the girls, I see a woman walking her dog in a neighborhood. Her dog stops to take a poop on a very nicely groomed lawn. I'm pretty positive it was not the dog's lawn. Yes, yes, the woman was responsible and had her little plastic sack poised to snatch up the poo after her dog finished (I can't help but wonder, does this make dogs think they are in charge when we follow after them picking up their crap? Okay, just a side note.) But if I were the home owner with the nice lawn, I'd be bugged. It's my lawn and I don't want your dog's poop on my lawn. Regardless as to whether or not you pick it up afterwards.

I personally currently do not have a dog. I like dogs, I grew up with dogs, I'd like to eventually get a dog, but I'm lazy. I don't want to have to do 'dog patrol' in the backyard or redo the hardwoods after they've been tapdanced on by little dog nails, or sweep and vacuum more, or pay more vet bills. I'd rather just host my family's dogs a few times a year instead. But the point is, I like dogs and I get that dogs have to poop.

So then this morning I see the SAME scenario. Different neighborhood, different dog and different owner..but the dog is clearly taking his morning constitutional on someone else's lawn. Yes, diligent owner is waiting to pick it up. But I just don't like this. I don't think this is okay! I don't even let my girls walk on our neighbor's yards in our neighborhood, much less fertilize. It's not your property. It's rude. It makes spots in your lawn.

Am I alone in this? Do I not 'get it' because we've never owned a dog that we had to walk for it to get exercise? Pooping on other people's lawns - not okay in my book.
Phew.. now I can let that one go.

Inadvertent Social Experiment?

With kids, our weekends are packed with stuff, not necessarily of our choosing. Sunday was a run for Mom, followed by swimming lessons for the girls, with as small window for lunch before going to a festive art show birthday gathering for Riley's teacher.

After swimming, we may or may not on a regular basis, stop for a little Mickey D's. Today Riley wanted "chicken nuggets" (I use the term loosely), Kate did not. Mommy likes to do quality control on the french fries.

Festive party was very near a Whole Foods in our old pre kids neighborhood. After Kate, Jeff and I all picked out our healthy lunch choices loaded in compostable containers, we hit the cafe area to dine. I KNEW that Riley would want more of her lunch.. so I had 'hidden' it in my reusable grocery sack for just this moment. I put out the 2 chicken nuggets that were left onto a whole foods napkin, hoping it would blend in... and no sirens would go off or preservative/trans fat/bad for you stuff police would show up in sustainable hemp and bamboo outfits to confiscate our lunch. "I want the box Mommy!!" Why yes, of course you do.

I will not be judged by these people I boldly think to myself as I pull out the McDonalds Chicken Nugget box AND chocolate milk with red and yellow straw and settle it in front of her. These are community style tables and we were sharing ours with two older women.... and then it came.

I got it. The updown. The scowl. I kind of wished I was taking video of this. And then mentally decided I was taking the approach of this being a purposeful social experiment.

Yeah. Okay. (That's kind of the look Jeff gave me as I tried to get rid of all the left over french fry evidence in the car afterwards..)

Real People Who Do Really Nice Things

I was flying back from a work meeting in Dallas yesterday. I had changed my flight to an earlier one, so I had the 2nd to the last seat.... you know, the one where everyone stands with their butt in your face while waiting for the bathroom.

Oh and then there was the 5 year old who walked by on his way to try and make it to the bathroom to throw up, but the bathrooms were full. Sweet. My favorite. Puke in enclosed spaces. My (free!) bloody mary didn't go down so well after that.

BUT as we were settling into our seats, a couple in the row behind me and across the aisle, was buckling in with their 14 month old (under 2, kids can travel on your lap.) They looked kinda wiped out and were hunkering down for the 4 hour flight ahead. Across the row from them there were only two folks in the three seat row. A man and a woman who were not traveling together.

Totally unprompted, the man asks the couple if they'd like to trade and take the 3 seater so they could stretch out with their little one. The Mom practically cried and was so thankful. Eavesdropper that I am, I got huge lump in my throat listening to this exchange.

The woman goes on to say that they'd had a 9 hour delay of some kind in Dallas and all kinds of traveling issues. And it was her birthday. And this was the nicest thing that happened to her all day.

Me too.

The Triple Threat

I've said it before. I love other people's stories. Love to hear them, love to tell them, love it. So I have to share one from my BFF this week.

Her 6 year old son is the cutest thing ever. He's sweet, quite handsome and is already premier league athlete material. As her neighbor says, for casting his high school future - 'the triple threat'.

He's also a bit of a Mama's boy. My BFF has quite an extensive network of neighborhood friends and she rarely has to get an official 'babysitter'. Usually it's just trade with her kids friends parents. Last week she had to resort to getting a real babysitter. A sweet, cute, local high schooler. Her son was beside himself. He was very stressed out. He didn't know this girl, he didn't want his Mom to leave. He wasn't having it.

She was feeling a bit badly about it and the next morning she asked her 9 year old how the evening went. Did her little brother do okay with the babysitter? Her daughter snorted and continued pouring her cereal. She says in a mature tone... "Please. 5 minutes after you left he was upstairs putting a 1/2 bottle of Dad's hair gel in his hair to impress the baby sitter". Nice. Love it. Starting Early.

Managing Hypochondria

I think the Red Dress Women's Heart Disease Campaign is working too well. The other night as I sat down to watch my pre recorded American Idol, my heart started racing and my arms felt numb. It was like I couldn't get a deep enough breath.

I tried not to panic and calmly told my husband that I didn't feel that great. This is never new news to him. My stomach is always the basis for much complaining and moaning and groaning. Particularly when associated with french fry eating (You need a shock collar! He tells me often.) I always have some sort of headache that makes me turn off his annoying 37 minute classic rock songs and I can't stand listening to the cat yowl in the evenings while I'm making dinner. (FYI screaming SHUT UP to a cat doesn't really work. Plus it's annoying to have to tell your kids those are not words we use in our family...)

These were all new crazy feelings. Luckily we're so used to being 'wired' that I didn't have to wait to see if I would make it through the night. I jumped on WebMD to check out my symptoms on the 'symptom checker'. I guess if you input anything having to do with difficulty breathing it all immediately goes to "proceed immediately to the nearest urgent care center". Oh. Yeah I didn't feel like I was dying enough to get off the couch and put on a bra and shoes. I remember the Dr. telling my Mom that if you're having a heart attack it will feel like someone is standing on your chest. Mine really felt more like Emerald Downs opening day in my chest.

Well I made it through the night and even worked out with my friend early the next morning and I didn't die then either. I did however make an appointment with my very nice Doctor.

Apparently I had an anxiety attack. Great - now I'm just like my high maintenance sensitive friend that I've often had to shake my head at. The one who I've had to talk down from crazy panic attacks in random places. The who has been on all kinds of prescription drugs over the past 10 years. No thanks. I'll pass.

My Doctor says patients have success with 'relaxation tapes'. Or another friend recommends meditative yoga. "Not the downward dog type yoga" she says. I headed home after picking up both girls from daycare and school respectively. Racing to start dinner so I could run out again for my once a quarter gathering with some old friends.

As I'm starting my harried journey, I see a sign for 'Buddhist Meditation Classes.'
That sign was definitely not there yesterday.
Hhhhmmmmmm.

Galavanting in Swimsuits with Adults You Don't Know

This weekend I realized that I officially am not in tune with the 'vibe' of my daughter's school. Like when you're dating and realize it's just not going to work. Seriously.

I can't do any of the events, meetings, reading help, egg carton gathering, coffee hours etc... (and the etc is lengthy) at her school, because they all happen WHILE I'M WORKING. I realized too late, that I am in the severe minority of this school community - being a woman who works in an office, full time. (And apparently not many wear high heels either, because some child asked me why I was wearing those shoes? Umm.. why are you wearing that sweatshirt? Because you want to!) But as usual, I digress.

Since I cannot often help out or participate in the school events, when they have the "Family Fun Outings" I feel it necessary to go. I have to at least make an effort to be involved, lest I be a total leper. Last month we ice skated (and I had to reintroduce myself to most everyone). I couldn't participate the month before in sledding because it happened with a week's notice. On a Friday. At 11AM. While I was WORKING.

So this weekend was a Family Swim Outing. I should have clued in that it was a 'Family' Swim Outing. Apparently I hang with crowd of Mom's with a totally different mind set. I assumed since Kate could swim without assistance, that only one of us would get into the pool to swim with Riley. Typically I do not CHOOSE to put on my swimsuit in April in front of a whole bunch of parents that I do not know and jump around. So I didn't bring mine. I was the ONLY LOSER MOM not in the pool!! Seriously! I felt like the biggest horses arse. Am I so selfish about my own issues that I wouldn't swim and frolick with my child?

Kate proceeded to be her solitary self and not swim with any of her friends.....and refused to swim with Jeff and Riley. So there is my lone 5 year old - in the deep pool all by herself. While her selfish mother wearing shoes NOT appropriate for the pool area watches on. I felt so stupid I even looked at purchasing a swimsuit from the lobby store....but I didn't feel $78 worth of ugly utilitarian swimsuit guilty.

One Dad asked me from the pool how come I was not swimming. I could think of no witty answer. The truth was all very selfish. I have to go to dinner at my in laws directly after this and didn't want to have wet hair and raccoon eyes? I'm still working on getting back in shape and didn't feel like having to show off all my jiggles to all those judging stay at home Mom's? None of those were appropriate.... I just laughed and stammered at a total loss for words. Hopefully it came off as mysterious. Maybe I have some hideous scar I can't bear to show. Yeah, okay probably not.

Lesson learned. Next time I'll be the one cannonballing and laughing and frolicking with my children. Why the hell didn't I do that? I just assumed the kids would all play together and the parents would chat and watch on like we do at swim lessons at this same pool. Thank goodness my awesome husband was of the same mindset and backed me up.... But I can't help wondering, are there bigger lessons for me here? Jeez!

Things You Do On A Thursday Morning

I really don't know how I ever was late for work or a meeting or anything prior to kids. You have so much time and are only responsible for yourself!!

This morning we woke up to snow.. again. They said it was coming, but I kind of dismissed it. Probably because there was no crazy 'STORMWATCHSNOW HYSTERIA 2009' with fun graphics on the news that usually gets everyone all amped up. Well maybe there was and I just missed it.

So now that it's snowing that means I have to send my kids properly equipped, i.e. gloves, hats and boots. So here is where procrastination does NOT pay off. The last time Kate wore her boots she stepped in dog poop (and then got it all over Jeff's car, which he somehow totally missed?) Did I proactively clean off the offending boot? No, I left it in the slop sink in the garage to be taken care of another day. Today is another day.

So after making pancakes with chocolate chips, getting out the lunch box, the books and laying out clothes and shoes for the day, I find my self hunched over in the garage with the one rubber glove I can find, some 409 and a screw driver...... scraping dog poop out of the crevices of one purple boot. All before coffee.

That's just before we even start the day! I'm assuming it can pretty much only get better from here.... and anyone else ever try to convince your kids it's 'cool' to have two different gloves?? Yeah, my 5 y.o. wasn't buying it either.

Things You Do On a Lazy Sunday

I'm writing this while laying on the couch trying to recover from a girls weekend of skiing and consuming many adult beverages.... (complete with a trip to the local tavern in small mountain town). I'm trying to get geared up to go put on a swim suit to take my 2 year old to her swimming class. The kind where you have to get in the water WITH them. Joy.

As I'm contemplating if I've hydrated enough to make up stairs with out a case of spins.... I'm watching the Miss America pageant. I don't know why.. maybe I'm just too lazy to to find the remote control. But the sick part is that I've decided it sounded like a good idea to eat some mini Twix bars WHILE watching the swimsuit portion of the competition. What is that? But I did have to laugh at Mario Lopez explaining that they keep the swim suit competition as a focus on 'health and fitness'. Whatever. You're not showing off health and fitness with those chicken cutlets slipped into your bikini top. Maybe walking in super high heels while wearing super huge heavy sparkly earrings constitutes a work out.

Youth is Gone Baby Gone

For whatever reason there's been a big swirl of activity on Facebook among my high school and college friends. I never really got 'addicted' like people say.... until now. All of a sudden I'm going down all kinds of memory lanes. My sorority sisters have been posting some silly pictures of college (hello big hair, big eyebrow, big overalls.....)

It's got me contemplating. Plus the whole it's a 'New Year' thing. I've always been a romantic. I'm a huge Jane Austen fan. I cried last night reading Little House on the Prarie to my daughter (they left Jack the dog crossing the river?) I've recently become horribly addicted to the Twilight series... this feels like mid life crisis in the making. Am I emotionally stuck at age 22?

As I was jamming out to my streaming radio just now while at work I realized how much I love the old school (and new school) r&b stuff. So does that mean I'm going to be one of those really obnoxious Mom's that tries too hard to be cool or young?

Would it be weird that your soccer Mom was blaring Tupac when dropping you off for a sleep over? What if when I'm a Gramma I'm groovin to some Shai - Sex Me Baby while vacuuming the ranch style house in my matching velour sweat suit and big hoop earrings? Is that wrong?

My ring tone is 'Dangerous' by Akon (which my conservative classic rock loving husband thinks is obnoxious). I love it!

I told him I was sad when it dawned on me the other day that I've reached the age that if I wanted to go dancing at a club (okay, not that I could get the time away from kids and life to do that, but if I WANTED to), I would be one of 'those' ladies. You know the ones who are too old to be there but are anyway and are trying WAAAAY too hard. I'm having a flashback to a bar we went to in Atlanta that was known as a dance club for 40 somethings and I thought that was so weird and kind of sad. Oh man.

I know, I know - look at what I do have. Family, children, a job, good friends all good things, I'm not discounting that. I just kind of finally realized I'm reaching middle age and what does that mean really? I guess it is what we want it to be and I'm pretty sure my version includes some music my husband will hate.

Hey kids, better practice that walking WAAAY in front of me on the street pretending we're not related thing....

Too Much Together Time

I'm BAAAACK. I pretty much checked out there for a while... work is crazy, Thanksgiving, Christmas (and Hanukkah - hi Grandma NJ!) blah, blah, blah.. you know the drill.

So even though I'm swamped at work, I'm taking time the in the EVENING (see, not even cheating and doing this at work!) to do some blogging.

If you've seen any 'Storm Watch' Northwest news, you'll see that the Seattle DMA pretty much only has 3 snow plows and one truckload of gravel in it's DOT shed. Add that to equal parts of substantial snow (hey, for Seattle it was a lot!) and you get some MAJOR together time.

It all started December 17th? 19th? Some teenth.. where there was a 'chance' of snow. Seattle school district freaked out, so in turn Riley's daycare freaked out.. and there I was working from home. Mind you, no snow actually fell until LATE that night. So I've spent approximately 2.5 days IN the office since December teenth.

I'll say this now - I have figured out why my BFF tells me she's on her hands and knees sweeping, cleaning, wiping her floor every single day. Because kids and husbands and a visiting dog (who was much cleaner than the kids) means I was on my hands and knees sweeping, cleaning, wiping..... ALL while trying to do real work of course.

My husband who claims his job consists mainly of meetings where his presence is physically mandatory went into work many more days than I did. Mind you he was probably 1 of 10 people there.... But he still couldn't figure out that why on one of the few days he was at the house, when he announced he was going to get coffee, I completely freaked out on him NOT UNTIL THE BABY WAKES UP YOU'RE NOT! I had been trapped in the house entertaining, cleaning, working, taking on snow clothes, taking off snow clothes for WAY too many days for me not to be going on this coffee run. He looked at me like I had 6 heads. How is that hard decipher?

The turning point was this past Saturday when we were standing in Costco waiting for hot dogs after purchasing the big box of bulk diapers. My husband is on his blackberry doing who knows what, the girls were sitting on the box, racing around the box, running into other people's carts, Riley falls down in the path of some old impatient man and I turned into that shrew Mom lady. 'Stop moving around and sit right here' in super bitchy voice while giving my husband death glare because he's totally not even paying attention. I see the nice church lady Mom at the table next to where we're standing give me the raised eyebrow judging look. That's it. I'm done.

While I love my family, I've never been so happy as to go back to work today and get back on schedule. I like things on a schedule. I like things clean and put away, I like having the opportunity to miss my kids a little bit..... Grass is always greener?