Being A Mom is Not For Wimps

That's a quote from MY Mom this week and I like it. I've been m.i.a. for a bit. I've decided October is maybe the busiest month ever. Everyone gets the Holiday fever and starts having gatherings and get togethers and birthday parties. For me at work - we're gearing up to lay in our biz for the next year and so it gets zany. Jeesh! And then there's this weird sense of 'omg' the crumbs in my silverware drawer are out of control and we need to have the sprinkler system blown out and how did the linen closet get to be such a disaster. It must be a seasonal disorder.

As a big topper - last Wednesday my four year old who hadn't been feeling well - passed out (or seized - still sorting out which) in my arms. Just writing that makes my belly clench up again. Talk about stress. I think that an ill child has got to rank on the stress o meter pretty close to the top.

On the upside, it's a great appetite killer. A visit from the paramedics (VERY NICE men by the way) and a trip to Children's. Still don't know exactly what happened. She could be a 'fainter'. (Which is a problem because my side of the family is good solid German stock as it my husband's and that kind of thing is really not allowed. Neither is whining, but that maybe is skipping a generation.)

It happened once before and we did the cardio work up - good there. So now a visit to a Neurologist. I know this is not life ending. And when we were at the ER and I saw them wheel in baby after baby on gurneys with tubes in their noses I thanked my lucky stars for what I do have. But then I had to be stressed for that Mom who I saw walking behind her baby, exhausted and bewildered and scared to death.

I asked my bff if I'm the only one who has crazy horrible scenarios running through my head a good portion of the time and was relieved to find out I'm not alone. I polled my brother (who thankfully was our chauffeur to the ER) and good to know that even males can and do go down that dark road in their heads sometimes. It's exhausting trying to hold it together so your little one doesn't see or hear the fear you feel. I worry about her all the time - and found myself obsessing over her sister wondering if she's okay too.

I remember my Mom telling me one summer night when I crept in kinda late after being out with friends (home from college for the summer) that she was really tired and she can't go to sleep until I'm home, so could I please be home earlier. I was bugged at the time. It's not MY problem that my Mom's a stress case and can't let go. But of course now I totally get it.

You have to P.I.T. (pull it together, a favorite little saying I picked up from a co worker) pretty much all the time. We're not allowed to be weak and you have to be ready to lift cars with brute strength and soothe fears and keep it all together. Being a Mom is NOT for Wimps.