Never Been Accused of Being Dainty

Why is it when you try to be healthy and work on achieving a more svelte figure, that your body is not on board. Seriously.

My good friend and I are on a 6 week quest of better eating and increased exercise. Notice, I'm not referencing some crazy diet that I know I couldn't continue for 6 weeks. Because truthfully, come Friday night(and Saturday and sometimes Sunday)- do NOT stand between me and a big glass of red vino. I don't know many eating programs that welcome the extra empty calories of a glass of wine. But this is real life and wine is part of my real life. And it makes Momma happy.

But this isn't about wine. Yesterday when my 10A snack time rolled around and I was ravenous because I hadn't had enough protein at breakfast time.. like a good and healthy individual, I busted out the bag of baby carrots and some hummus. Healthy for you - veggie serving, low carb etc.. Ummm.. yeah.. why then does your body rebel to the copious amounts of inhaled hummus and retaliate with the production of a lethal poisonous substance. Seriously! Good thing I didn't have to be around people yesterday. I'm still not sure the cat has a pulse, but serves him right for invading my space. But this is what we get when we bypass the chips and opt for something better? It's not just hummus. No offense to Kashi, but forget Kashi. I might as well be 6 months pregnant for what that whole grain goodness does to my body. I thought I was dying the first time I tried it the oatmeal -but an unofficial poll confirms I am not alone (and yes you healthy freak o's I DO drink a ton of water!). As a side note, how do these actresses who claim they only eat humongo amounts of veggies with their small piece of grilled chicken not encounter these same kinds of issues??

In this quest for a more natural lifestyle (let's face it - as natural as I can be.... which is much less than the average REI member) I also wanted to try a more natural deodorant. I am fearful that the aluminum, or whichever not good for you ingredient is in clinical strength deodorant, is for sure at toxic levels in my body. Because I am disgusting. Ask my husband. I am not a demure and delicate flower. I sweat. I stink. I am also good at household repairs, but that is for another article. Note to self. Natural deodorant is just that. NOT an antiperspirant. Which I knew...but was hoping for anyway. And tea tree oil, or magic rock crystal etc.. DO NOT SMELL GOOD when mixed with a hot armpit. I'm not even talking about when you've done a good work out. More like I'm glad I didn't pay more than $7 for this white t shirt because it is now disgusting and it's a regular Monday kind of thing. I knew that the small travel size of natural deodorant that I picked up at PCC would not do it for me. But I keep trying.

So I've been working out alot and eating lots of veggies and less carbs and I now have a bloated belly and the ability bomb a small village at will - combined with the aroma of sweaty tea tree. This is NOT working out for me.