Never Been Accused of Being Dainty

Why is it when you try to be healthy and work on achieving a more svelte figure, that your body is not on board. Seriously.

My good friend and I are on a 6 week quest of better eating and increased exercise. Notice, I'm not referencing some crazy diet that I know I couldn't continue for 6 weeks. Because truthfully, come Friday night(and Saturday and sometimes Sunday)- do NOT stand between me and a big glass of red vino. I don't know many eating programs that welcome the extra empty calories of a glass of wine. But this is real life and wine is part of my real life. And it makes Momma happy.

But this isn't about wine. Yesterday when my 10A snack time rolled around and I was ravenous because I hadn't had enough protein at breakfast time.. like a good and healthy individual, I busted out the bag of baby carrots and some hummus. Healthy for you - veggie serving, low carb etc.. Ummm.. yeah.. why then does your body rebel to the copious amounts of inhaled hummus and retaliate with the production of a lethal poisonous substance. Seriously! Good thing I didn't have to be around people yesterday. I'm still not sure the cat has a pulse, but serves him right for invading my space. But this is what we get when we bypass the chips and opt for something better? It's not just hummus. No offense to Kashi, but forget Kashi. I might as well be 6 months pregnant for what that whole grain goodness does to my body. I thought I was dying the first time I tried it the oatmeal -but an unofficial poll confirms I am not alone (and yes you healthy freak o's I DO drink a ton of water!). As a side note, how do these actresses who claim they only eat humongo amounts of veggies with their small piece of grilled chicken not encounter these same kinds of issues??

In this quest for a more natural lifestyle (let's face it - as natural as I can be.... which is much less than the average REI member) I also wanted to try a more natural deodorant. I am fearful that the aluminum, or whichever not good for you ingredient is in clinical strength deodorant, is for sure at toxic levels in my body. Because I am disgusting. Ask my husband. I am not a demure and delicate flower. I sweat. I stink. I am also good at household repairs, but that is for another article. Note to self. Natural deodorant is just that. NOT an antiperspirant. Which I knew...but was hoping for anyway. And tea tree oil, or magic rock crystal etc.. DO NOT SMELL GOOD when mixed with a hot armpit. I'm not even talking about when you've done a good work out. More like I'm glad I didn't pay more than $7 for this white t shirt because it is now disgusting and it's a regular Monday kind of thing. I knew that the small travel size of natural deodorant that I picked up at PCC would not do it for me. But I keep trying.

So I've been working out alot and eating lots of veggies and less carbs and I now have a bloated belly and the ability bomb a small village at will - combined with the aroma of sweaty tea tree. This is NOT working out for me.

Mmmmmm..... Food.

I like to pretend that I'm a pretty good cook. I'm not Worst Cooks In America worthy, but there's lots of my attempts that result in a necessary snack later in the evening.

My dear Aunt is a bit of a foodie with a much more adventurous palate than I have. For Christmas she gave me The Splendid Table's How To Eat Supper. I have to rave!! Not only does it have great recipes (albeit some of them are a little too fancy pants for my family of 4 with two small children) but the BEST part are the snippets of info! Currently I am IN LOVE with pearl barley. They tell you to treat it like pasta - and boil the heck out of it with some water and chicken stock for 25 minutes. Of course their recipe for cheater chicken stock is more highbrow than my two scoops of instant bullion method, but I'm totally okay with that when it's 5:30 and I'm just firing up dinner. And who knew barley was so yummy and nutty and HEALTHY. And that my kids would eat it!

I've referenced the book How To Get Your Kids To Eat, But Not Too Much, before..but I have to admit last night the approach (which included yummy barley from above) actually worked. I'd say about once a month it works well. The overall idea is to provide your kids with healthy choices on the table, including one thing they WILL eat, like a slice of whole wheat bread or something. What they eat, is what they eat. You don't haggle, negotiate or force certain number of bites. You model good eating (oh and I guess I should take my elbows off the table too..) and call it a day. Last night my kids ate barley, broccoli, green beans, fish and grapes! No really, I'm pretty sure they were my kids... I'm sure those fabulous Mothers out there will scoff and say that's a regular evening at their house. Well good on you. At my house it's not, so I was loving it. Thank you Splendid Table! You think they'll go for Edamame and Smoked Tofu Succotash? Kidding!

Always a "Mom"

I imagine being a Mom out in the world of kids is like how Doctors on airplanes feel in emergency situations. You can't escape your instinct or your training.

Today for instance. As I dropped my daughter at Kindergarten, we walked with one of her classmates. Who had a huge snot oozing out of her nose. But clearly, she was not bothered by the feeling of it sliding down her face. I myself had to swallow to keep down my egg sandwich. That was intensified 10 fold while as I waited with them until the morning aid made her rounds, I see this child playing with snot strands and them sticking them in her mouth. I kind of just threw up a little while writing that. Your own kid's snot is one thing (and something that's still not my favorite) but another childs? Eeeww!! I had to take action - grabbed a napkin out of my daughter's backpack and wiped the child's nose. Seriously. I'm a Mom. I couldn't help it. Of course then I have this disgusting napkin in my possession and cannot find a garbage can.. but it was my duty.

Just as it's my instinctual duty to walk on the outside of the sidewalk on our night walks with my other Mom friend because I have the reflective jacket. Or do to the arm seat belt/train crossing barrier when anyone begins to cross a road and I think a car is not paying attention. Same as it is when you hold a baby and fall into that hip bounce thing. And I will even admit, the same as it is when you give evil death glare stare down to the ill behaving 7 year old stranger at the playground. Or when you quickly offer up the airline blanket (that for the record I never touch with a 10 foot pole) to the Mom with child who is clearly going to hoark while desperately waiting for the bathroom.

You can't escape the instinct.

A Few of My Favorite Things: Installment II (and a not so favorite thing.)

So first off I have this question - how many times per day is it neccessary for a cat to freaking lick itself?! Seriously - it's driving me crazy that annoying slurp lick thing. Jeez!

Now that's off my chest.

It's time again to share a few of my favorite finds and as is par for my blog, the front runner pertains to hair..

Either my hairdresser or Nick Arojo on "What Not To Wear" told me that I should use a volumizing mousse to help give some volume to the crown area. So I finally decided to pick some up - and as I stood in the aisle of my local drugstore, I went by the coolest looking one that wasn't $8,000 dollars and holy Farrah Faucet it's fabulous! Big Sexy Hair Spray Mousse! It's awesome! It sprays like a hairspray and then turns to mousse - super cool. AND then it works! Really well! I felt like that woman I see at my daughter's school who always has Victoria Secret hair - slight mussed, yet perfect curls... (one day I will get the balls to ask her..)

My new favorite treat. They're not actually new, but I just found them and am loving them... Kashi Dark Chocolate Cherry Chewy Granola Bars. They have 5g of protein (which is VERY hard to find in a yummy treat like granola bar) and 4g of fiber (good for making you feel full AND keeping things running right.) I love to have one of these bad boys in the afternoon when I feel like I need something sweet, but at 120 calories, much better than stuffing my face with Valentine's cookies or something. I say bravo. Oh yes and they don't have any of that hard to pronounce garbage in them. Add feeling healthfully righteous and you can't go wrong.

And lastly I'm loving Laura Mercier's Metallic Creme Eye Color I had gotten a little tube as a sample (gold) and it has lasted for FOREVER. Not only does it make my everyday makeup job look presentable, I'm able to put on liner without having to redo 8 times. It's creamy and forgiving and super fast and easy... I had to get the Burnished Copper so I could mix it up a bit. Loving it!

You have something you're loving? Do share!

Dogs, Kids and Life Lessons

So this isn't so much a funny post, in that I have to keep wiping away the tears to write it.

I really wanted a dog. My oldest daughter did too - the youngest was enthusiastic. My husband, not so enthusiastic, but said if I really wanted it and would do the work, then he would go along with the plan.

Do you know how hard it is to get a dog from a rescue group? You have to practically donate an organ, and they don't want it going to homes with kids under 7.

I was bugged by the kids under 7 thing. "They don't know my family, they don't know my kids" etc.. is what I lamented to my BFF. So after a little white lie, we were approved for a puppy. A lab mix. I bought all the stuff, a crate, food, toys, bowls, pre paid for the spay etc... And I drove over the pass to meet the woman fostering the pups - to pick mine out. I picked the pretty girl, we named her Trixie.

She cried alot the first few nights, because clearly she was missing her brothers and sisters. I laid on the floor in front of her kennel the first night, and slept there, and she quieted down. I got up multiple times in the night to take her outside to go to the bathroom. Then I got up multiple times with my 3 y.o. who was having bad dreams or something. And we put all the stuff up off the ground that puppies would like to chew. I played with her, and played with her some more. I allocated 15 minutes before every departure from the house so she could go out and go to the bathroom. Wow, I thought I knew what I was getting into.

My 3 y.o. cried anytime the puppy came near her, she hid out in the play room. My 5yo did pretty well helping, but then would shriek and cry if the dog got ahold of her sleeve or leg or did anything remotely puppy play like. My husband was helpful ish the first 2 days, but clearly was upholding his decision of 'it's your choice, it's your responsibility'. Until I was sobbing and exhausted.

So we had to give Trixie back to the rescue group, who have a fabulous family lined up for her. I sobbed and cried all the way to drop her off and hysterically as I put her in the arms of the rescue founder. I'm surprised I didn't have a car accident on the way home because it's very difficult to see the road through tears and snot.

I really really really hate it - when you make a decision that you think will be great for your family and ends up being rotten for everyone involved. Including the innocent puppy who now gets to adjust to another home. All because of me and my choice. Ouch. (FYI - I would NEVER give up a dog 2years into a relationship etc.. but knowing there was a list of families who wanted those pups made it feel like the right thing to do.)

So I've woken up the past few days feeling sick and gross and sad and missing the pretty sweet little girl, but I know it was the right decision overall. In a reversal of roles, I have cried multiple times to my brother on the phone - like you're a kid and can't stop that stuttering, sobbing crying. He said that I will have the chance (when my kids are of the 'legal' dog adoption age) to make a difference in another dog's life. An older dog who might not get one otherwise. Most definitely. But ahh.. Trixie girl, I miss ya.

Old Dog, New Tricks

I've always been of the subconcious mind set that the way we are, our habits, or general personalities, are what they are. If a man beats his girlfriend, he's not going to change his ways... that kind of thing. However, I keep finding myself recognizing changes to my own personal approach to everyday things.

I have a prime example this week. My M.O. has always been one of politeness and obligation. If someone knocks on your door and you're home, you answer the door. (I also have a hard time not answering the phone, even when the number looks like a telemarketer, much to my husband's annoyance.) Now that I'm working from my home office, I can see all the door knocker sales people, soul savers etc.. coming down the street before they even hit the porch. It's awkard. Especially if you can see them and they can see you as they walk past your window.

Yeah - I don't know when I turned into either a.) and arsehole or b.)totally uncaring of social protocol. But I have. These suckers have knocked on the door - and they can clearly see my daughter (home with a fever) lounging watching a movie and I didn't answer the door. I just didn't feel like it. I was busy doing work stuff and my hours to do such things are limited. So I didn't. Hah! I feel like I'm smoking during high school lunch at the Circle K (which I never ever did or wanted to - by the way Mom in case you're reading.) Or like I'm eating grapes in the grocery store produce section, before paying for them (well, I would NEVER do that - it's just wrong) but you get the gist.

And you know what? It's totally within my right not to answer my door! I don't know these people. I don't have time for their song and dance. We've got new windows and a roof and a guy who helps with the yard. I'm pretty sure I've already got my ticket booked on a handbasket to a hot place - so don't need that one either. I don't need anything from door knockers and I didn't answer the door!

But it feels GOOD and I don't care! Next I'm going to start vaccuming nude or something!

I Do NOT Speak MonosyllabicGruntus

If Italian is the language of lovers, small child MonosyllabicGruntus is the language of seriously frustrated, most likely harpy Mothers. Seriously. Is it just our family? Please tell me that I'm not alone in this.

While I am quite clear on the fact that my 5 y.o. and I do not have the same communication style, nothing puts me from everything is hunky dory to fire level red faster than the grunts.

Me (Happy Upbeat Voice): "Okay! Everyone find their shoes, it's time to go to school!" "Kate where are your socks?"

Kate: "hmphff" (then disappears - sobbing to be heard from the living room - then reappears still without socks.)

Me (trying to be positive): Hi - okay, socks? Please go get them.

Kate: "mmgh" Again with the running and sobbing.

WHAT IS THE MATTER!! Seriously - there is nothing that has happened between teeth brushing and putting on socks and shoes that I can tell would have been an affront to her person. Clearly she is upset. I don't know why and I'm sure as heck not going to ask.... if she's just going to grunt. Even if I did ask, it would just get a grunt. I can't take it!

I think next up is to find a Psych class for dealing with small children, because clearly whatever I learned in Psych 101 - 15 ahem.. or so years ago did not stick.

I'm all ears - let's hear it. Suggestions anyone??