Irrational Fear of the Boogey Man

I mentioned in a previous post that my husband was out of town for business for a night. I've also mentioned a ton of my idiosyncrasies, but I feel the need to share another. While getting ready for bed the night Jeff was gone, I realized (again) I'm kind of a freak.

Yes, I get sucked into those shows on A&E about children with psychic abilities etc.. and perhaps watching that on Saturday was not a good choice. I'm totally fine when Jeff is home, I don't worry about creepy stuff or envision darkly dressed large men breaking into my home..... but that all changes when it's just me.

We have these big windows in our kitchen that look out into the back yard and because I tore down the ugly window treatments from the previous owner and haven't replaced them..... there are no blinds or curtains.... So when it's dark outside and the kids are down for the night, all of a sudden there is for SURE a boogey man convention going on in my back yard. I feel like I'm seeing things out of the corner of my eye. I envision someone hiding out and watching through those windows. What they're watching apparently doesn't really seem to matter in my fear scenario. Let's face it - watching me in my sweat pants cursing while wiping down the counters for the 1 millionth time or loading the dishwasher can't be that enthralling, but that's beside the point.

When it's time to hit the hay I of course lock all the doors and windows. But then I also make sure the porch light is on, my message to would be boogey man being yes, there are people here, lots of people here and we're expecting more! AND when you come to chop me up in pieces, people will be able to see you doing it!

When I go upstairs I make sure I have my cell phone, in case the phone lines are cut and I need to call 911. And of course I also bring my car keys so I can grab the kids and make a quick get away, instead of like in the movies where they can't get out of the house. So that also means that I have a pair of shoes and a jacket by the bed so that in the cold of the night I am not running down the street in no shoes..... Under my bed is the pre-requisite Louisville Slugger and mag lite. I ramp myself up that if anyone came into my house and tried to mess with me and ultimately my baby girls that the whole superhero strength that mothers are known to get in a flight or flight situation would help me beat the living crap out of this mysterious intruder.

I also make sure to know which of my neighbors is home that night. I sleep with the door to slider in our room cracked so I can hear anything going on outside. I usually have to watch some bad cable show until I pass out.... or every little creak and noise or set of headlights sets my heart racing. And forget it if the cat decides tonight is the night to be hyper and race around and act all twitchy. Because then that means I have to worry about the whole supernatural intruder thing... and then no baseball bat or flashlight is going to help me out with that one. (That's a whole other post...)

Yes, I'm a freak. There is no plausible reason why anyone would try to break into my house. So they can steal the 200 pack of diapers that arrived today? To rifle through the piles of laundry that are in que for the washer? To take the monstrous pile of 'art' that my kids produce weekly at school and out of guilt I have to bring home for a while before I can purge it? It's ridiculous and I know it.... but I am prepared.

My theory? If I am prepared I won't need it. (Don't ask my husband about my multiple earthquake emergency kits or that internet order for freeze dried food...)