Mommy - Macgyver Style

It was a beautiful day today - so after a gross day stuck inside hashing out negotiations on the phone with folks in different time zones, I was HAPPY to get out and enjoy the sunshine!

As the afternoon unfolded though, I just had to inwardly comment (and now outwardly for your entertainment) on all the stuff that Mom's have to be ready to handle.

- "Picnic Dinner" In theory, great fun a change of pace on such a nice day. We swing down to Ivars for some fish sticks to go and a nice grilled salmon salad for Mommy. Get to the park, no forks, no napkins. So Mommy ate her salad with a toy wooden spoon from the play room that was on the floor of the car and thank goodness for the Costco size wipes to stand in as napkins. (BTW I will still be buying these when I no longer have kids in the house.. seriously.) I did however consider using the mini fake leatherman in my emergency kit. Added Bonus: (The judgy stares of other Mothers as my kids ate their french fries was free.)

- "I have to poop" Yeah, kids always have to go to the bathroom right after you've left home or someplace with a decent bathroom. We'd just tucked into our picnic dinner, so leaving wasn't an option. And my public bathroom shy 3 year old wouldn't be able to stand on the toilet seat of the San O Can to execute (as it was quite full and not sure sitting was an option because of it... yes..double ewww..) So MacGyver Mommy whips out the 'emergency potty'! The little foldup seat with garbage sacks with piddle pads in them that you throw away after use. So I had to walk from the car past two conversing Dad's trying hide the fact I was carrying my 3 year olds poop in a bag. Body positioning is key in this instance. This is all of course while keeping a third eye on my 6 year old so she wouldn't be stolen by strangers while waiting at the picnic table for us.

- "Bleeding Wound" This one is not mine, but did happen while I was at the park for this picnic extravaganza. Mom with 3 kids somehow wounded her finger while pushing 2 of her kids in swings. It was bleeding a fair amount - and she finally had to whip off the cute scarf she was wearing to staunch the blood flow - of course all the while instructing her youngest on how to pump her legs for maximum swing height. She of course laughed off my offer a bandaid (from my emergency kit that will have forks in it tomorrow..) while the whole time I was wondering if she had OxiClean at her house.

There's so many funny stories of things we've had to do - socks as kleenex etc...Tell me yours! Just don't tell me you're the one feeding a banana to your kid in the grocery store before you pay for it- because I'll get all indignant. (Until I realize it's PCC and kids get free fruit...)

Musings from a Grade School Talent Show

My first year as a parent of grade schooler has brought all kinds of new experiences. Last week was my first 'talent show'. The kindergarteners were not invited to particpate, and I totally get why - no problems here. I thought I'd get away with not going to this event this year, until MY grade schooler begged me to go while we were sitting at the dinner table. I'm a sucker - never wanting to miss anything that might be remotely social and so I agreed.

First off I have to preface this entire blog entry with the acknowledgement that it takes ALOT of guts to get up in front of your peers, their parents, friends, grandparents, etc.. and perform. Much less sing a solo etc.. I was impressed at the range of kids who did this. From 1st Graders to 6th Graders. However, I have some questions.

-If your kid chooses to do a trumpet solo, but hasn't quite mastered the trumpet - do you stand behind them and say 'go for it!' or do you suggest that maybe they try for something else? And when it feels as though said trumpet solo is going on for EVER and is uncomfortable - is the parent proud? Or did they feel like I did - and had to fidget and look away?

-Is Lady Gaga appropriate for 5th Graders? I consider myself far from a prude and not super conservative, but I felt like Mrs. Olsen from Little House on the Prarie muttering 'well I never!' to myself multiple times throught the evening. What are those children wearing? Do they know what the song means? If I'm a parent, am I okay with that? I'm NOT okay with that - and you KNOW that a parent helped them put together those outfits. Granted the moves were approriate, no hip thrusts etc.. but hello! It's Lady Gaga - and she's drunk and lost her keys and her phone......

-Chivalry is not dead. All kinds of parents and people are at these events - and in my neighborhood we're lucky to have a diverse community. I watched a gentleman in front of me, jump out of his chair and pull it up for a woman with a cane who came in late. That was awesome. And sadly is something we don't have enough of. It made my day.

-Chubby little girls who will be super cool when they're 24. As an adult when you watch all these kids act and interact, it's pretty clear who's 'popular' and who isn't so much maybe. There was the young girl who stood up there in her glasses and jeans and shirt and it looked like I might have to get all fidgety and look away, and then she sang. And she was great! With a cool voice and a shy sense of self and you could look into the future and see how happy she'll be when she is out of high school...

- Oh and lastly - huge 'shout out' to the 5th or 6th grade kid who did a very awesome dance - all by himself. In traditional Indian attire to a very cool beat. The Dad sitting next to me and I both had to give each other the 'wow -that's great -eyes'. To be a fly on the wall at his house. Does he have a Mom and Aunts and Grandmas or maybe a Dad who taught him all those great moves? Did he practice all the time? It made me think of the tune my 3 y.o. has been singing mercilessly while shaking her tush in my face, "I like to move it, move it.."

Never Been Accused of Being Dainty

Why is it when you try to be healthy and work on achieving a more svelte figure, that your body is not on board. Seriously.

My good friend and I are on a 6 week quest of better eating and increased exercise. Notice, I'm not referencing some crazy diet that I know I couldn't continue for 6 weeks. Because truthfully, come Friday night(and Saturday and sometimes Sunday)- do NOT stand between me and a big glass of red vino. I don't know many eating programs that welcome the extra empty calories of a glass of wine. But this is real life and wine is part of my real life. And it makes Momma happy.

But this isn't about wine. Yesterday when my 10A snack time rolled around and I was ravenous because I hadn't had enough protein at breakfast time.. like a good and healthy individual, I busted out the bag of baby carrots and some hummus. Healthy for you - veggie serving, low carb etc.. Ummm.. yeah.. why then does your body rebel to the copious amounts of inhaled hummus and retaliate with the production of a lethal poisonous substance. Seriously! Good thing I didn't have to be around people yesterday. I'm still not sure the cat has a pulse, but serves him right for invading my space. But this is what we get when we bypass the chips and opt for something better? It's not just hummus. No offense to Kashi, but forget Kashi. I might as well be 6 months pregnant for what that whole grain goodness does to my body. I thought I was dying the first time I tried it the oatmeal -but an unofficial poll confirms I am not alone (and yes you healthy freak o's I DO drink a ton of water!). As a side note, how do these actresses who claim they only eat humongo amounts of veggies with their small piece of grilled chicken not encounter these same kinds of issues??

In this quest for a more natural lifestyle (let's face it - as natural as I can be.... which is much less than the average REI member) I also wanted to try a more natural deodorant. I am fearful that the aluminum, or whichever not good for you ingredient is in clinical strength deodorant, is for sure at toxic levels in my body. Because I am disgusting. Ask my husband. I am not a demure and delicate flower. I sweat. I stink. I am also good at household repairs, but that is for another article. Note to self. Natural deodorant is just that. NOT an antiperspirant. Which I knew...but was hoping for anyway. And tea tree oil, or magic rock crystal etc.. DO NOT SMELL GOOD when mixed with a hot armpit. I'm not even talking about when you've done a good work out. More like I'm glad I didn't pay more than $7 for this white t shirt because it is now disgusting and it's a regular Monday kind of thing. I knew that the small travel size of natural deodorant that I picked up at PCC would not do it for me. But I keep trying.

So I've been working out alot and eating lots of veggies and less carbs and I now have a bloated belly and the ability bomb a small village at will - combined with the aroma of sweaty tea tree. This is NOT working out for me.

Mmmmmm..... Food.

I like to pretend that I'm a pretty good cook. I'm not Worst Cooks In America worthy, but there's lots of my attempts that result in a necessary snack later in the evening.

My dear Aunt is a bit of a foodie with a much more adventurous palate than I have. For Christmas she gave me The Splendid Table's How To Eat Supper. I have to rave!! Not only does it have great recipes (albeit some of them are a little too fancy pants for my family of 4 with two small children) but the BEST part are the snippets of info! Currently I am IN LOVE with pearl barley. They tell you to treat it like pasta - and boil the heck out of it with some water and chicken stock for 25 minutes. Of course their recipe for cheater chicken stock is more highbrow than my two scoops of instant bullion method, but I'm totally okay with that when it's 5:30 and I'm just firing up dinner. And who knew barley was so yummy and nutty and HEALTHY. And that my kids would eat it!

I've referenced the book How To Get Your Kids To Eat, But Not Too Much, before..but I have to admit last night the approach (which included yummy barley from above) actually worked. I'd say about once a month it works well. The overall idea is to provide your kids with healthy choices on the table, including one thing they WILL eat, like a slice of whole wheat bread or something. What they eat, is what they eat. You don't haggle, negotiate or force certain number of bites. You model good eating (oh and I guess I should take my elbows off the table too..) and call it a day. Last night my kids ate barley, broccoli, green beans, fish and grapes! No really, I'm pretty sure they were my kids... I'm sure those fabulous Mothers out there will scoff and say that's a regular evening at their house. Well good on you. At my house it's not, so I was loving it. Thank you Splendid Table! You think they'll go for Edamame and Smoked Tofu Succotash? Kidding!

Always a "Mom"

I imagine being a Mom out in the world of kids is like how Doctors on airplanes feel in emergency situations. You can't escape your instinct or your training.

Today for instance. As I dropped my daughter at Kindergarten, we walked with one of her classmates. Who had a huge snot oozing out of her nose. But clearly, she was not bothered by the feeling of it sliding down her face. I myself had to swallow to keep down my egg sandwich. That was intensified 10 fold while as I waited with them until the morning aid made her rounds, I see this child playing with snot strands and them sticking them in her mouth. I kind of just threw up a little while writing that. Your own kid's snot is one thing (and something that's still not my favorite) but another childs? Eeeww!! I had to take action - grabbed a napkin out of my daughter's backpack and wiped the child's nose. Seriously. I'm a Mom. I couldn't help it. Of course then I have this disgusting napkin in my possession and cannot find a garbage can.. but it was my duty.

Just as it's my instinctual duty to walk on the outside of the sidewalk on our night walks with my other Mom friend because I have the reflective jacket. Or do to the arm seat belt/train crossing barrier when anyone begins to cross a road and I think a car is not paying attention. Same as it is when you hold a baby and fall into that hip bounce thing. And I will even admit, the same as it is when you give evil death glare stare down to the ill behaving 7 year old stranger at the playground. Or when you quickly offer up the airline blanket (that for the record I never touch with a 10 foot pole) to the Mom with child who is clearly going to hoark while desperately waiting for the bathroom.

You can't escape the instinct.

A Few of My Favorite Things: Installment II (and a not so favorite thing.)

So first off I have this question - how many times per day is it neccessary for a cat to freaking lick itself?! Seriously - it's driving me crazy that annoying slurp lick thing. Jeez!

Now that's off my chest.

It's time again to share a few of my favorite finds and as is par for my blog, the front runner pertains to hair..

Either my hairdresser or Nick Arojo on "What Not To Wear" told me that I should use a volumizing mousse to help give some volume to the crown area. So I finally decided to pick some up - and as I stood in the aisle of my local drugstore, I went by the coolest looking one that wasn't $8,000 dollars and holy Farrah Faucet it's fabulous! Big Sexy Hair Spray Mousse! It's awesome! It sprays like a hairspray and then turns to mousse - super cool. AND then it works! Really well! I felt like that woman I see at my daughter's school who always has Victoria Secret hair - slight mussed, yet perfect curls... (one day I will get the balls to ask her..)

My new favorite treat. They're not actually new, but I just found them and am loving them... Kashi Dark Chocolate Cherry Chewy Granola Bars. They have 5g of protein (which is VERY hard to find in a yummy treat like granola bar) and 4g of fiber (good for making you feel full AND keeping things running right.) I love to have one of these bad boys in the afternoon when I feel like I need something sweet, but at 120 calories, much better than stuffing my face with Valentine's cookies or something. I say bravo. Oh yes and they don't have any of that hard to pronounce garbage in them. Add feeling healthfully righteous and you can't go wrong.

And lastly I'm loving Laura Mercier's Metallic Creme Eye Color I had gotten a little tube as a sample (gold) and it has lasted for FOREVER. Not only does it make my everyday makeup job look presentable, I'm able to put on liner without having to redo 8 times. It's creamy and forgiving and super fast and easy... I had to get the Burnished Copper so I could mix it up a bit. Loving it!

You have something you're loving? Do share!

Dogs, Kids and Life Lessons

So this isn't so much a funny post, in that I have to keep wiping away the tears to write it.

I really wanted a dog. My oldest daughter did too - the youngest was enthusiastic. My husband, not so enthusiastic, but said if I really wanted it and would do the work, then he would go along with the plan.

Do you know how hard it is to get a dog from a rescue group? You have to practically donate an organ, and they don't want it going to homes with kids under 7.

I was bugged by the kids under 7 thing. "They don't know my family, they don't know my kids" etc.. is what I lamented to my BFF. So after a little white lie, we were approved for a puppy. A lab mix. I bought all the stuff, a crate, food, toys, bowls, pre paid for the spay etc... And I drove over the pass to meet the woman fostering the pups - to pick mine out. I picked the pretty girl, we named her Trixie.

She cried alot the first few nights, because clearly she was missing her brothers and sisters. I laid on the floor in front of her kennel the first night, and slept there, and she quieted down. I got up multiple times in the night to take her outside to go to the bathroom. Then I got up multiple times with my 3 y.o. who was having bad dreams or something. And we put all the stuff up off the ground that puppies would like to chew. I played with her, and played with her some more. I allocated 15 minutes before every departure from the house so she could go out and go to the bathroom. Wow, I thought I knew what I was getting into.

My 3 y.o. cried anytime the puppy came near her, she hid out in the play room. My 5yo did pretty well helping, but then would shriek and cry if the dog got ahold of her sleeve or leg or did anything remotely puppy play like. My husband was helpful ish the first 2 days, but clearly was upholding his decision of 'it's your choice, it's your responsibility'. Until I was sobbing and exhausted.

So we had to give Trixie back to the rescue group, who have a fabulous family lined up for her. I sobbed and cried all the way to drop her off and hysterically as I put her in the arms of the rescue founder. I'm surprised I didn't have a car accident on the way home because it's very difficult to see the road through tears and snot.

I really really really hate it - when you make a decision that you think will be great for your family and ends up being rotten for everyone involved. Including the innocent puppy who now gets to adjust to another home. All because of me and my choice. Ouch. (FYI - I would NEVER give up a dog 2years into a relationship etc.. but knowing there was a list of families who wanted those pups made it feel like the right thing to do.)

So I've woken up the past few days feeling sick and gross and sad and missing the pretty sweet little girl, but I know it was the right decision overall. In a reversal of roles, I have cried multiple times to my brother on the phone - like you're a kid and can't stop that stuttering, sobbing crying. He said that I will have the chance (when my kids are of the 'legal' dog adoption age) to make a difference in another dog's life. An older dog who might not get one otherwise. Most definitely. But ahh.. Trixie girl, I miss ya.