High Maintinence - Elevated to Code Red

If you know me, you know I'm a strawberry blondish frecklish mess. Of course that didn't stop me from oh say...1988-1997 -laying many a day on my fun island in the middle of the lake wearing baby oil and Sun In. (Of course all while listening to mixed tapes on my 'boom box'). And I may have hit a tanning bed or two while in my twenties (hello, there was one at my Ad Agency!)

So now as my 37th Birthday is rapidly approaching (gasp? what?!) I'm obsessed with trying to look young, stay young, prevent wrinkles and sags and what have you. I headed to the Dermatologist for my yearly "freckle check". Eegads. I know I have sun damage - and I wear SPF makeup (Laura Mercier -) but I do admit to being slow to put on the sunblock on a sunny day.. hoping for a little 'color' first. Um yeah. No more.

So she gave me the once over, said the thing I was worried about was nothing, but that she needed to freeze the two pre cancerous areas on my chest and face?! And is immediately holding some big spritzer of liquid nitrogen or whatever it is that they use to do that. Gulp! I could barely stammer that I had a social gathering to attend that night, before I was frozen and zinged and dazedly walked out with instructions to begin wearing hats, mineral sun block and come back every six months for checks.

So now my morning routine is getting WORSE as I get older.. not easier. I have to add 10 minutes for all the stupid lotions and liquids I have to put on to maintain any prayer of semi presentable bod.

When you get out of the shower (after having to do all those ministrations)- it's just the beginning; Deoderant (of course the uber strong enough for sweaty baboons kind), self tanning lotion for the legs (currently enjoying Jergens?! and it doesn't make me stink like fake tanner!) , toner for the face, Tend Skin for the bikini region (because why would you use anything else?), moisturizer for the face, SkinCeuticals (actually like this stuff) for the face, DIFFERENT sun block (that smells good and is like lotion) for the arms and shoulders and that's all before trying to pick out an outfit and put on make up - forget having time for decent hair!

How the heck do strippers do this? I mean this is just for one Mom - who's biggest social engagement of the day might mean a glass of wine with other Mom friends that evening. Or running into someone you know at the grocery store. All of this is completely lost on a husband - who has no clue or appreciation for this zaniness. And sadly, now that my mineral sunblock means NO color of any kind - I'm heading up pronto to get the latest sun less tanning lotion (Lancome Flash Bronzer-have seen rave reviews - will report back.) for my face and chest.. I'm thinking that the kids are old enough to learn to make breakfast for themselves... that will buy me a few more minutes? Right?

"WWMSD" - A Mother's Day Dilemma

So instead of WWJD - which if you know me I think is absolutely ridiculous (there goes 2 of my 5 readers..) What Would Martha Stewart Do is what went through the head of my 'friend' today.

The scene: Mother's Day. Loving Mother had been busy taking small children to swim lessons and scrubbing the scum off the deck etc etc.. and had left a very small window of time to prepare a pasta salad for a 3:30 Mother's Day BBQ.

As this fabulous Mother was making lunch for her family - at the same time boiling pasta noodles so they would cool in time to make pasta salad, disaster struck.

The fabulous big red bowl (with a lid!) that held cooling pasta in the fridge.... jumped OUT of the fridge when the door was opened. Half of the pasta noodles hit floor. Oh no!!! There is no time in the schedule for this!! No no no! And the thought went through my 'friend's' head. Hmm.. floor was just cleaned. Pasta noodles can be thoroughly washed... WWMSD WWMSD WWMSD - What would Martha Stewart Do? I'm sure she would have thought ahead and made extra. Damn her. And if you watch Gordon Ramsey you know he'd rip you a new one if you picked ANYTHING off the floor, and rightly so. But those kitchens on TV are disgusting! And yes, this 'friend' of mine had taken many a food handler's permit classes - she knew the 'RIGHT' answer.. but what was the right answer for a frazzled Mom on Mother's Day who only had a short amount of time to produce a fabulous dish for a BBQ?

You my readers were not at this BBQ, so I can tell you this. She scooped them off the floor - almost within the '5 second' window.. and washed the heck out of them. And went thru them individually to make sure they were not truly polluted. And then she made a fabulous pasta salad. And took it to a BBQ. And fed it to her children, friends and total strangers. (and she ate some herself.) And she's totally okay with this. Right answer? Wrong answer? What have you done within the 'grey area' of appropriateness? You know she's not alone...

Oh Noooo!!!! Uh Oh Moments for a 'Shoe Girl'

I love shoes. I love clothes. I love shopping. Yeah, yeah, I love my family and kids and sunsets and all that stuff to. But I really love shoes. Oh and purses, but this about shoes.

I've been on the hunt for a neutral wedge for summer.I toyed with the clog trend, but eh.. don't think that's going to do my legs any favors. I had a fantastic pair of Michael Kors I got two summers ago and it's time to retire them. Sadly. I love them. But if the adage is true that you can judge a girl by her shoe, then wearing these I am a schleppy, unkempt, banged up type of girl and I'm not okay with that.

I don't know 'exactly' what I'm looking for - but I know I'll 'feel it'. So today I swung by Nordstrom Rack for a quick drive by. There were some contenders and I was walking around doing the one shoe try on - when it hit. That moment. When I tried on a shoe and it was COMFORTABLE and I was excited by that. And I put back the sassy pump in my hand. And I envisioned myself grocery shopping in the comfy shoe. Oh crap! I was afraid this would happen with my career change - and I swore it wouldn't.

I almost texted a picture of the shoes in question - to my fashionista former co worker who is 20something. I needed a 2nd opinion - but was afraid to hear the answer.

So I am now the owner of a pair of shoes that I chose for comfort before fashion. And I'm sad about that. But I'm also am able volunteer for a Kindergarten field trip at the zoo - and chase after rouge 6 year olds without breaking my neck or having to break into my stash of mole skin.

So clearly, my next purchase will be some ridiculous pair of shoes just to prove that I am not fulfilling any dreaded sterotypes....

Random Sightings and Other Blatherings

First off - I just have to say that nothing makes a girl feel like a million bucks like a fabulous eyebrow wax. Seriously. I had some overgrowth going on and I finally got in to see my favorite esthetician at The Wax Bar. It might also be because I finally did my hair, as opposed to sticking 18 bobby pins in my curly mess and pretending that it's boho chic.

On a separate side note - I've had lots of internal conversations and feel the need to share - of course along with some of the most bizarre sightings:

- Observation; this new working remotely thing can be great and also sometimes super annoying. Idea of drinking latte while enjoying the hum of the local coffee shop - not always as fun as one would think. I.e. I'm going to say that I prefer my office co workers and their idiosyncrasies vs the super annoying lady who thinks she owns the coffee shop. With her pink cell phone holder and bad lipstick..

-Self Awareness of the Week; I do not have road rage as compared to COSTCO rage. I seriously considered running OVER some bia on the way out of the store. And in the meat aisle (Emily - I found the Turkey thanks!) And did the lady who rammed my arse with her cart while we were waiting in line apologize? NO! Really is this stress to my state of inner peace worth it for the big box of Stretch Island Fruit Leather? It might be.


Bizarre Sightings of the week:
- Woman smoking a cigarette in front of PCC. (Really?)

- Grampa Man lighting up a cigarette in the parking lot of my daughter's grade school. While school is in session. (Is that allowed?I'm thinking it's part of the no handguns, no knives sign..)

-My neighbor in her bathrobe getting the paper. Okay, so that's not so bizarre, but it got me thinking, do alot of people still wear robes?

Am I the only one with insane dialogue going on all the time?

Have a great week everyone...

The Secret Lives of Seniors

And by Seniors - I don't mean last year of high school. Today my schedule was such that I needed to borrow the showers at my health club after meeting my partner for a run. Did you know there's a WHOLE other world out there at 11AM on a Thursday!?

Well I do now. I felt like an anthropologist, or as though I were visiting a foreign country or something of the sort. I apparently timed it just right to hit the locker rooms at the end of Silver Sneakers and right before Senior Splash. First of all - I have to say hats off to these 70+ something gals who are at the gym getting their move on. On the other hand I was not mentally prepared to contemplate my own body's future 30+ years down the road as you are forced to do in such circumstances. Eeek.

Clearly I was an interloper and had set up my gym bag shop in someone's regular Thursday spot. That didn't stop her from just bulldozing over me to get to her personal full time locker. But the best part was eavesdropping on the conversations.

We forget in our digital, fast paced, Black Berry, I pod, Utube, Iphone world that there are generations of folks out there who have no clue about this stuff. These particular ladies were discussing some upcoming travel to their timeshare (of course).

Apparently there was some drama about needing important email confirmation. (Dial up I'm sure..) At the end of the story that included her making lots of phone calls but being routed back to accessing things online - the magical email appeared and she and her husband danced around theh room at the joy of it's arrival. And they really did! It wasn't a euphamism!

Her one upper friend says, 'I don't have to deal with all that email stuff, my children take care of all my travel arrangements for me'. Touche. To which the story teller replied that 'oh yes, my kids do too, just in this instance......'.

I got tips on a housecleaning service while putting makeup on in the mirror and stared at the gaggles of men and women gathered in the lobby seating kibitzing about the week. THIS is what the 'Club' in fitness club really means I guess! And here I thought all the Grammas and Grampas were just out cruising under the speed limit when I was trying to get somewhere in the middle of the day!

BFF - Even from Another State and Especially During An Emergency

I love my BFF. I really do. Because when it comes down to it - she is always there in those tight spots, or those freak out moments of true emergency and of course for the regular ones of self doubt.

I took the girls to Cannon Beach for Spring Break. We went with my friend and her girls. First night there - literally two hours after arriving - my daughter split her chin open at the playground. It was 99% my fault - but that is beside the point, as it doesn't unsplit the chin.

I saw right from the moment of impact (which has constantly been replaying in my head since Wed.) that we would need stitches. I told my friend to run back to the house to get the car. (Which she did with all THREE of the remaining kids in tow!)

Some SUPER great strangers - a Mom and Grandma who were also at the park - offered up their emergency kit - and a jacket to keep little Miss Riley Bear warm as she had gone into shock a bit and complained that she was cold. (Side note however - my daughter ROCKS. She did NOT freak out - barely cried - was a huge champ and I love her to bits.)

So after my friend raced around and arrived with the car - we got everyone buckled in - left the nice strangers to deal with our bloodied wipes and took off for the hospital in the neighboring town 7 miles away. All the while I had been frantically calling my husband - hoping he could give me the actual ADDRESS for the hospital. I called him while kneeling in the bark at the park multiple, multiple times. I tried the house, I stalked the cell phone, where the heck is this self proclaimed home body when I need him?

Plan B. From the car all shaky and ramped up, holding the split of my daughter's chin together with one hand - I dialed the V on my speed dial with the other. My BFF picked up - and as best friends do - was calm, understood IMMEDIATELY from the tone of my voice what was going on - got me the address, told me it would be alright and that she loved me and we hung up. Wham Bam - I love you man. Seriously. I know we don't say it enough in the day to day - but I am so grateful for such a great friend. Even though we don't get enough time together - I would hope that she knows she can call me in the same situation.

Oh and I realized the next day - I had accidentally 'stolen' the windbreaker from the nice strangers?!! I felt horrible! I still feel horrible! I went back to the park, I looked for them everytime we were in town... to no avail... I'll have to find a way to pay it forward I guess?

Mommy - Macgyver Style

It was a beautiful day today - so after a gross day stuck inside hashing out negotiations on the phone with folks in different time zones, I was HAPPY to get out and enjoy the sunshine!

As the afternoon unfolded though, I just had to inwardly comment (and now outwardly for your entertainment) on all the stuff that Mom's have to be ready to handle.

- "Picnic Dinner" In theory, great fun a change of pace on such a nice day. We swing down to Ivars for some fish sticks to go and a nice grilled salmon salad for Mommy. Get to the park, no forks, no napkins. So Mommy ate her salad with a toy wooden spoon from the play room that was on the floor of the car and thank goodness for the Costco size wipes to stand in as napkins. (BTW I will still be buying these when I no longer have kids in the house.. seriously.) I did however consider using the mini fake leatherman in my emergency kit. Added Bonus: (The judgy stares of other Mothers as my kids ate their french fries was free.)

- "I have to poop" Yeah, kids always have to go to the bathroom right after you've left home or someplace with a decent bathroom. We'd just tucked into our picnic dinner, so leaving wasn't an option. And my public bathroom shy 3 year old wouldn't be able to stand on the toilet seat of the San O Can to execute (as it was quite full and not sure sitting was an option because of it... yes..double ewww..) So MacGyver Mommy whips out the 'emergency potty'! The little foldup seat with garbage sacks with piddle pads in them that you throw away after use. So I had to walk from the car past two conversing Dad's trying hide the fact I was carrying my 3 year olds poop in a bag. Body positioning is key in this instance. This is all of course while keeping a third eye on my 6 year old so she wouldn't be stolen by strangers while waiting at the picnic table for us.

- "Bleeding Wound" This one is not mine, but did happen while I was at the park for this picnic extravaganza. Mom with 3 kids somehow wounded her finger while pushing 2 of her kids in swings. It was bleeding a fair amount - and she finally had to whip off the cute scarf she was wearing to staunch the blood flow - of course all the while instructing her youngest on how to pump her legs for maximum swing height. She of course laughed off my offer a bandaid (from my emergency kit that will have forks in it tomorrow..) while the whole time I was wondering if she had OxiClean at her house.

There's so many funny stories of things we've had to do - socks as kleenex etc...Tell me yours! Just don't tell me you're the one feeding a banana to your kid in the grocery store before you pay for it- because I'll get all indignant. (Until I realize it's PCC and kids get free fruit...)