Things You Do On a Lazy Sunday

I'm writing this while laying on the couch trying to recover from a girls weekend of skiing and consuming many adult beverages.... (complete with a trip to the local tavern in small mountain town). I'm trying to get geared up to go put on a swim suit to take my 2 year old to her swimming class. The kind where you have to get in the water WITH them. Joy.

As I'm contemplating if I've hydrated enough to make up stairs with out a case of spins.... I'm watching the Miss America pageant. I don't know why.. maybe I'm just too lazy to to find the remote control. But the sick part is that I've decided it sounded like a good idea to eat some mini Twix bars WHILE watching the swimsuit portion of the competition. What is that? But I did have to laugh at Mario Lopez explaining that they keep the swim suit competition as a focus on 'health and fitness'. Whatever. You're not showing off health and fitness with those chicken cutlets slipped into your bikini top. Maybe walking in super high heels while wearing super huge heavy sparkly earrings constitutes a work out.

Youth is Gone Baby Gone

For whatever reason there's been a big swirl of activity on Facebook among my high school and college friends. I never really got 'addicted' like people say.... until now. All of a sudden I'm going down all kinds of memory lanes. My sorority sisters have been posting some silly pictures of college (hello big hair, big eyebrow, big overalls.....)

It's got me contemplating. Plus the whole it's a 'New Year' thing. I've always been a romantic. I'm a huge Jane Austen fan. I cried last night reading Little House on the Prarie to my daughter (they left Jack the dog crossing the river?) I've recently become horribly addicted to the Twilight series... this feels like mid life crisis in the making. Am I emotionally stuck at age 22?

As I was jamming out to my streaming radio just now while at work I realized how much I love the old school (and new school) r&b stuff. So does that mean I'm going to be one of those really obnoxious Mom's that tries too hard to be cool or young?

Would it be weird that your soccer Mom was blaring Tupac when dropping you off for a sleep over? What if when I'm a Gramma I'm groovin to some Shai - Sex Me Baby while vacuuming the ranch style house in my matching velour sweat suit and big hoop earrings? Is that wrong?

My ring tone is 'Dangerous' by Akon (which my conservative classic rock loving husband thinks is obnoxious). I love it!

I told him I was sad when it dawned on me the other day that I've reached the age that if I wanted to go dancing at a club (okay, not that I could get the time away from kids and life to do that, but if I WANTED to), I would be one of 'those' ladies. You know the ones who are too old to be there but are anyway and are trying WAAAAY too hard. I'm having a flashback to a bar we went to in Atlanta that was known as a dance club for 40 somethings and I thought that was so weird and kind of sad. Oh man.

I know, I know - look at what I do have. Family, children, a job, good friends all good things, I'm not discounting that. I just kind of finally realized I'm reaching middle age and what does that mean really? I guess it is what we want it to be and I'm pretty sure my version includes some music my husband will hate.

Hey kids, better practice that walking WAAAY in front of me on the street pretending we're not related thing....

Too Much Together Time

I'm BAAAACK. I pretty much checked out there for a while... work is crazy, Thanksgiving, Christmas (and Hanukkah - hi Grandma NJ!) blah, blah, blah.. you know the drill.

So even though I'm swamped at work, I'm taking time the in the EVENING (see, not even cheating and doing this at work!) to do some blogging.

If you've seen any 'Storm Watch' Northwest news, you'll see that the Seattle DMA pretty much only has 3 snow plows and one truckload of gravel in it's DOT shed. Add that to equal parts of substantial snow (hey, for Seattle it was a lot!) and you get some MAJOR together time.

It all started December 17th? 19th? Some teenth.. where there was a 'chance' of snow. Seattle school district freaked out, so in turn Riley's daycare freaked out.. and there I was working from home. Mind you, no snow actually fell until LATE that night. So I've spent approximately 2.5 days IN the office since December teenth.

I'll say this now - I have figured out why my BFF tells me she's on her hands and knees sweeping, cleaning, wiping her floor every single day. Because kids and husbands and a visiting dog (who was much cleaner than the kids) means I was on my hands and knees sweeping, cleaning, wiping..... ALL while trying to do real work of course.

My husband who claims his job consists mainly of meetings where his presence is physically mandatory went into work many more days than I did. Mind you he was probably 1 of 10 people there.... But he still couldn't figure out that why on one of the few days he was at the house, when he announced he was going to get coffee, I completely freaked out on him NOT UNTIL THE BABY WAKES UP YOU'RE NOT! I had been trapped in the house entertaining, cleaning, working, taking on snow clothes, taking off snow clothes for WAY too many days for me not to be going on this coffee run. He looked at me like I had 6 heads. How is that hard decipher?

The turning point was this past Saturday when we were standing in Costco waiting for hot dogs after purchasing the big box of bulk diapers. My husband is on his blackberry doing who knows what, the girls were sitting on the box, racing around the box, running into other people's carts, Riley falls down in the path of some old impatient man and I turned into that shrew Mom lady. 'Stop moving around and sit right here' in super bitchy voice while giving my husband death glare because he's totally not even paying attention. I see the nice church lady Mom at the table next to where we're standing give me the raised eyebrow judging look. That's it. I'm done.

While I love my family, I've never been so happy as to go back to work today and get back on schedule. I like things on a schedule. I like things clean and put away, I like having the opportunity to miss my kids a little bit..... Grass is always greener?

Being A Mom is Not For Wimps

That's a quote from MY Mom this week and I like it. I've been m.i.a. for a bit. I've decided October is maybe the busiest month ever. Everyone gets the Holiday fever and starts having gatherings and get togethers and birthday parties. For me at work - we're gearing up to lay in our biz for the next year and so it gets zany. Jeesh! And then there's this weird sense of 'omg' the crumbs in my silverware drawer are out of control and we need to have the sprinkler system blown out and how did the linen closet get to be such a disaster. It must be a seasonal disorder.

As a big topper - last Wednesday my four year old who hadn't been feeling well - passed out (or seized - still sorting out which) in my arms. Just writing that makes my belly clench up again. Talk about stress. I think that an ill child has got to rank on the stress o meter pretty close to the top.

On the upside, it's a great appetite killer. A visit from the paramedics (VERY NICE men by the way) and a trip to Children's. Still don't know exactly what happened. She could be a 'fainter'. (Which is a problem because my side of the family is good solid German stock as it my husband's and that kind of thing is really not allowed. Neither is whining, but that maybe is skipping a generation.)

It happened once before and we did the cardio work up - good there. So now a visit to a Neurologist. I know this is not life ending. And when we were at the ER and I saw them wheel in baby after baby on gurneys with tubes in their noses I thanked my lucky stars for what I do have. But then I had to be stressed for that Mom who I saw walking behind her baby, exhausted and bewildered and scared to death.

I asked my bff if I'm the only one who has crazy horrible scenarios running through my head a good portion of the time and was relieved to find out I'm not alone. I polled my brother (who thankfully was our chauffeur to the ER) and good to know that even males can and do go down that dark road in their heads sometimes. It's exhausting trying to hold it together so your little one doesn't see or hear the fear you feel. I worry about her all the time - and found myself obsessing over her sister wondering if she's okay too.

I remember my Mom telling me one summer night when I crept in kinda late after being out with friends (home from college for the summer) that she was really tired and she can't go to sleep until I'm home, so could I please be home earlier. I was bugged at the time. It's not MY problem that my Mom's a stress case and can't let go. But of course now I totally get it.

You have to P.I.T. (pull it together, a favorite little saying I picked up from a co worker) pretty much all the time. We're not allowed to be weak and you have to be ready to lift cars with brute strength and soothe fears and keep it all together. Being a Mom is NOT for Wimps.

The Common Sense and Awareness Gene

I am confronted time and time again that many many people in this world are lacking the ability to understand their surroundings and see beyond their own tiny little narrative. You wonder, do I have an example of this? Why yes I do!

During my lunchtime today after dropping off a huge load of crap, I mean clothing and housewares in great shape, at Goodwill - I hit the car wash. (Scratch two items off of running list in my head.. sweet.) After the car wash I hit the open vacuum station and scrounge in my wallet and car for the pre requisite 4 quarters so I can use the big vacuum (which better have good suction, that's the whole reason I use these places!) Wa lah! Success.

I start up the machine and start vacuuming like mad because there's never 'just' enough time to get all the cheerios, muffin crumbs, mud, small dolly parts and free crapola fast food toys out of the back of the car. It's a beautiful day and I'm breaking a sweat racing between the front seat and the back seat when I hear 'EXCUSE ME MAM!' I look up from my vacuuming bewildered and on guard - trying to figure out WHO this guy is talking to me WHILE I'm vacuuming.

Apparently it is the painter from the building next door and he's wasting my precious vacuum time to ask me if I could move my car over to the next area because they have a big crane thing a ma jig coming and want to park where I am. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I yell over the vacuum to him that I have about 20 seconds left and I will move my car shortly.

What was he thinking?? It's not like I was in the middle of a q-tip clean out of the little area between the seat and the drink holder (which needs to happen by the way). I wasn't throwing away garbage or rearranging the herd of rain boots and blankets in the way back. I was using my four - hard to find- quarters for 2 minutes of vacuum time. 2 MINUTES! Has he ever paid for a vacuum at the car wash? It will end. And it will end sooner than you wanted it to! Could you just not wait? So then I felt pressure to NOT use the whole two minutes when I saw the boom or the genie or whatever it was inching closer and closer to my car while being driven by a 15 year old.

And I drove away kind of mad and shaking my head. And that's no way to enjoy a beautiful fall lunch hour. Common sense my friends. Aware of your surroundings and how your actions impact others. (I'm still working on that mean face while grocery shopping thing....I can't help that concentration looks like annoyance - but I am AWARE of this!)

Ad Relevance (Or How Does Your TV Know What You're In the Market For?)

I work in advertising and there is this theory called 'Ad Relevance'. Basically it's saying that if you're the market for a car, you'll pay attention to the car ads. Or if you can't get pregnant, all the commercials are for baby diapers and EPT sticks and it seems like a personal assault whenever you watch prime time TV. (Well that was my own interpretation of ad relevance.) Or Cable. Or that Little House on the Prairie Marathon. Not that I'd know anything about that.

Same seems to be true for radio songs. When I was younger and broken up with someone or some other thing (TLC's Creep anyone?) all the songs on the radio seem so really relate to what was going on in my life. Or so it seemed.

I've recently come to the conclusion that if you're searching for answers, support or whatever it is - everyone and every thing you interact with seem to have a 'message' for you.

My deal - I've said it before - is that I'm struggling with the working Mom thing. I race around trying to make up to my kids all the time I don't spend with them... and spend the rest of the time feeling guilty about one or another thing related to me only seeing them 3 hours of every day. Wow to write it like that really makes me feel like crap.

Kate's new school and the new set of obligations and the new routine have really brought my issues to the forefront. So whenever I spend time with one of my Mom friends, I tend to do a bit of an informal poll about their lives (grass is always greener, I know, I know..) trying out different scenarios in my head, wondering if a different one would fit me better.

Here are snippets of a few of the different conversations I've had and the messages I've gotten:

From my friend Gretchen who recently starting working contract work and took the summer off to be with her girls. We were discussing our older daughters and their behavior. I described our current situation with Kate's issues and she says emphatically (as only Gretchen can do.) She needs her Mom. Period. She needs her Mom. She needs your attention.

In and email from my husband's cousin (Pediatrician with the Navy who now stays home with her kids). Totally unsolicited, just her sign off at the end of the email: Enjoy your time with your girls while they are little-I miss reading to my girls-they read to themselves now, but sometimes they'll recommend a book to me and then we can talk about our favorite parts.
GREAT - now that hits home - because I like that part of our evening.

Visiting my college friend in Spokane last weekend. She works mostly from home, has three kids and is totally involved in their day to day activities and school stuff. She's got the identity of her business AND being a Mom. Is there a trial period for a life change? Maybe I could intern there for a day or two...

There are a few others - but this raises the question of the Ad Relevance theory; Do I KNOW the answer to what it is want to do on a gut level - and so I really only 'hear' these pieces that support it? Nothing is whispering to me as I leave the kids with the babysitter and head downtown for dinner and drinks with my LA sales guys..... except that I didn't say I couldn't go to dinner - I paid for a babysitter so I could. And wore cute jeans of course because I'm not JUST a Mom. Hmm... Is THAT a message?

So maybe I should start paying attention to the Lottery ads.... or the ads for new counter tops.....

Driving WithYour Foot on the Dashboard. What IS That?

Today as I was heading up the hill from my workout at lunch (going back UP the hill after working out - sucks. Plus it makes me even more sweaty in the office. Sweet.) Some joker drives by me and hovers by a non existent parking spot for a minute or two - long enough for me to see his BARE FOOT on the dashboard.

Let me refresh - I cannot tolerate stupid people. (That's what my husband and I have in common sadly, but we try to hide it from the kids...) I cannot stand people who do stuff just for the sake of being blatantly different, because they think it makes them cool. It does not.

So back to toe man. What was he doing? Seriously? Why the hell would you need your left foot on the dashboard while you're driving. Your BARE foot I might add. It's not like he was disabled and had to use those cool controls with only his foot because he's lost the use of his hand. I'm pretty sure he wasn't raised by monkeys, but judging by the fact that it looked like he doesn't like showers, maybe I misread that one.

I secretly hope he has to make a really short stop and gives himself a bloody nose with his knee. Yes it's evil. You may ask what do I care what some guy in his own car does with his own foot. Because I don't like it. That's why. And it doesn't make sense. And I don't' like things that don't make sense. And he looked like some guy who thinks rules don't apply to him. And I don't like that either. Oh yeah and I don't like long toe nails.