WAHM: Job Description

As I'm nearing the one year mark of embarking on the job change - from full time in the office to a Work At Home Mom (gulp) I can't help but some days to wonder what the heck I signed up for. (Of course usually precipitated or followed by a fabulous day with my kids where I remember why I did this..) But today is not one of those days.

School has started for my youngest - and she's loving it. 1st Grade starts next week for the oldest - and I'll be loving it.

Today is the kind of day that I think Mom's should get bonus checks for. Oh wait.. we don't get paid.

7:45A - Email babysitter again to see if she can stay LONGER next week when I'm out of town, so that husband can go to soccer game. Confirm with two separate parents that they can pick up my kids from school.
8:15A - 3 y.o to pre school
8:20 - Run back to house to grab bike for 6 y.o. (so 3 y.o. didn't see it and wonder what fun we were having without her..)
9:00A - Meet friend for walk around Greenlake (yes, this IS fun..)
10:00A - Find snack for 6 y.o.
10:40 - Run to grade school to volunteer (and be super grateful for awesome friend who is at playground and offers to keep eye on 6 y.o.) (Check work email, pretend am always available at home office.)
11:40 - Find Jiffy Lube to get car's oil changed, so stupid get oil light will go away. (Check work email while at Jiffy Lube.) Thank Jiffy Lube worker for inferring I'm still in college. He knows you don't tip oil changes, right?
12:20P - Get lunch for 6.y.o. and hungry Mom
1:00P - Mow lawn so neighbors don't leave angry anonymous letters on our door. And because I am forcing my husband to go to in laws for the weekend and will not have time to mow said lawn. Feel sorry for self that have to mow lawn, but alternately grateful that I am getting some sort of work out since I pushed snooze on the alarm for spin class...
2:00P - Write blog, change laundry, find soccer shorts for 6 y.o., pack for weekend, figure out why house smells like cat poop
2:45P - Take Husbands laundry to dry cleaner
3:00P - Pick up 3 y.o.
3:20P - Clean house, sew pillow case for 3 y.o., feed children, find where cat is hiding (return work phone calls hopefully with very little background noise..)
4:45P - Take cat with gimpy paw to vet, pick up cat food
6:00P - Take 6.o. to soccer practice, and remember to bring PTA papers to hand off to Mom who lives in neighborhood
7:00P - Pick up enough pizza (and wine) for Pizza Friday with husband's brother and family
8:00P - Fight with children for an hour until they run out of excuses not to go to bed, and/or pass out
9:00P - Drink significant amounts of wine while trying to catch up on work emails and due dates, make large list of things must remember to do before leaving house at 8AM.

This will be the day my husband DOESN'T ask me what I did all day..

Gotta love it!

Arrrghhh Matey

I do a lot of running and so as to have goals and actually go out and do the running, I sign up for organized runs. And clearly, I did NOT get my fill of costumes and dressing up in high school drama. No, I force my running partner to wear whatever zany outfit I've thought up for all of our themed runs. I will say however, this zest for costumes netted us a $50 prize on the Urban Dare. Oh yes, our "Mama Said Knock You Out" wife beaters and black eyes were the bomb. So there.

So Dani and I are going to do the Torchlight Run on Saturday. Which of course means Pirate outfits. AND we did buy pirate hats when we were on our Spring vacation get away in Cannon Beach... so it's a natural. Having just finished the fancy bustiers or mid section thingys that pirate wenches wear - I was testing it out. Along with my handily scissored $4 t shirt that also looks all pirate wench like.

And then the pizza man knocked on the door.

As I scrambled to take off the pirate hat and pull off the striped tights that I was considering hacking up to look like pant things - I was trying to make it to the door in a timely manner.

As I was signing the slip and trying to man handle the baby cat who was escaping - I realized I was NOT wearing a sports bra, but instead a regular shiny silver one and it was definitely hanging out of my shirt all wench like.

And of course this isn't the night that I get the cool chatty driver with the big earrings in his ears who would laugh at my hi jinks - I get the probably out of work accountant. I don't even want to know what he was thinking I was up to. I'm sure he probably starting praying for me before he even pulled out of the driveway.

Arghh.

Oh No! Kato!

I'm kind of sensing a theme to my blog...a lot of cat stories and children stories and rants about stupid people. Hmm.. perhaps I should try to diversify. Not just yet though.

So the house down the street is being forclosed. The family is selling their things and preparing to move out. And they have a cat. He is SUPER sweet. Has been since day one. Kato the cat. He roams the neighborhood, is clean and friendly and I think he's great. In talking with my in the know neighbor today I found out - the family is leaving WITHOUT the cat. They're just going to pack up and drive away. Like poor Mittens in Bolt. It's heinous. However - I don't know what to do about it! To me it's morally reprehensible to leave this animal that you rescued, or purchased or agreed to take home and feed and love.

The recently widowed woman next door to the family has been feeding Kato and enjoying his company. I think she even took him to the vet for some reason or another - but apparently does not want him as 'her cat'.

I'm sure he would be fed in the neighborhood, but I'm envisioning cold and snowy, wet nights with poor Kato cowering in a storm drain or being chased by racoons. No one to give him pets and let him sleep on their bed.

I can't volunteer for this job because we just got another cat. And if it were okay to just abandon a cat - Dexter is first up. But you don't see me with my bloodied legs and puncture wounded arms leaving my ornery cat (who's vet folder is 'RED' tagged as dangerous) on the street corner to fend for himself. No - I let him sleep next to me and I buy him expensive food because the vet said he needs it and I took on the responsiblity of him as my pet.

So I'm fired up! I'm going to see if I contribute to a cat vet/food fund if the neighbor would be willing to take him on. I've already thought up grand plans to build a cat house with insulated walls and a heat lamp for cold and wet winters that she can keep in her car port......

KATO!

Grocery Store With Children: My Kryptonite

I've found it. Having just returned from what was supposed to be a 'quick' run to the grocery store with my two girls - I am once again vowing to NEVER go assisted to the grocery store again. Ever.

Seriously. My two often well behaved children somehow just push my buttons the minute we hit a store. I would not typically take them with me, but when there is nothing to make a decent meal in the house and I've been stressed out cramming to get work done and know that I have to make lunches and be out the door in the AM - it calls for desperate measures.

After the discussions and negotiations as to who will sit or ride where, why children can't hang off the cart on one side as we roll down the aisle (sideswiping elderly people making our way past the bread is NOT okay..) there's always the urgent 'I'm going to have an accident' cry so that you have to high tail your cart back to the grimy bathroom and park it catty wampus hoping no one will think you've abandoned it. And the whining. I can't take it.

I seriously turn into that super mean Mom who finds fault with every move my child makes. After watching the stepping on of a box of crackers while we wait (as usual) at the deli I resort to the angry arm pull that could easily have someone calling for a CPS investigation. Along with that I pull out the angry whispery voice, vowing no cartoons or any sort of fun when we return home.

I'm frustrated and short tempered and just mean all the way around. I have to say THANK YOU to the store manager (who for the second time) sees my frustration and whisks my cart into a closed lane and checks me out in record time. I know she has kids and I am so so grateful to her for those Mom moves.

So I think I'll have to resort to my co worker's claim of preferring to go shopping at midnight than with children. And if it means that dinner consists of garbanzo beans and some kind conglomeration of pastas left in the cupboard. So be it.

10-4 Little Buddy

My 6 year old has a great little friend who we found out when she started school - lives just down the hill from us. Sadly not like "walk down the path" down the hill, more like - bring your machete and battle rabid raccoons and 15 foot black berry bushes while traversing a steep incline, down the hill. But we're working on a solution.

So S - as I'll call her- had a birthday this week and Jeff thought up the fun idea of giving her half of a set of walkie talkies. I thought it was a fantastic and fun idea for 6 year olds and we made it happen.

Yesterday as I was feverishly working I kept hearing something from the play room - thinking it was that creepy puzzle that makes noises at random times, I finally got up to investigate. Oh no - it was S demanding to know where Kate was via the new walkie talkie.

Now from most little kids I can't tolerate bossiness but this little bit cracks me up. She's goofy, and huggy and ridiculously cute and her family and parents are probably some of the nicest people I've ever met.

So yes, I spent a good 5-10 minutes on a walkie talkie with a just turned 6 year old who was demanding to know when my daughter would be home and could I make it happen sooner.

And it's apparent that the telling time portion of kindergarten was not mastered before school was out, because even though I said 2:30 - there were multiple inquiries prior to that time. And I answered every one.

Over and Out Sister!

High Maintinence - Elevated to Code Red

If you know me, you know I'm a strawberry blondish frecklish mess. Of course that didn't stop me from oh say...1988-1997 -laying many a day on my fun island in the middle of the lake wearing baby oil and Sun In. (Of course all while listening to mixed tapes on my 'boom box'). And I may have hit a tanning bed or two while in my twenties (hello, there was one at my Ad Agency!)

So now as my 37th Birthday is rapidly approaching (gasp? what?!) I'm obsessed with trying to look young, stay young, prevent wrinkles and sags and what have you. I headed to the Dermatologist for my yearly "freckle check". Eegads. I know I have sun damage - and I wear SPF makeup (Laura Mercier -) but I do admit to being slow to put on the sunblock on a sunny day.. hoping for a little 'color' first. Um yeah. No more.

So she gave me the once over, said the thing I was worried about was nothing, but that she needed to freeze the two pre cancerous areas on my chest and face?! And is immediately holding some big spritzer of liquid nitrogen or whatever it is that they use to do that. Gulp! I could barely stammer that I had a social gathering to attend that night, before I was frozen and zinged and dazedly walked out with instructions to begin wearing hats, mineral sun block and come back every six months for checks.

So now my morning routine is getting WORSE as I get older.. not easier. I have to add 10 minutes for all the stupid lotions and liquids I have to put on to maintain any prayer of semi presentable bod.

When you get out of the shower (after having to do all those ministrations)- it's just the beginning; Deoderant (of course the uber strong enough for sweaty baboons kind), self tanning lotion for the legs (currently enjoying Jergens?! and it doesn't make me stink like fake tanner!) , toner for the face, Tend Skin for the bikini region (because why would you use anything else?), moisturizer for the face, SkinCeuticals (actually like this stuff) for the face, DIFFERENT sun block (that smells good and is like lotion) for the arms and shoulders and that's all before trying to pick out an outfit and put on make up - forget having time for decent hair!

How the heck do strippers do this? I mean this is just for one Mom - who's biggest social engagement of the day might mean a glass of wine with other Mom friends that evening. Or running into someone you know at the grocery store. All of this is completely lost on a husband - who has no clue or appreciation for this zaniness. And sadly, now that my mineral sunblock means NO color of any kind - I'm heading up pronto to get the latest sun less tanning lotion (Lancome Flash Bronzer-have seen rave reviews - will report back.) for my face and chest.. I'm thinking that the kids are old enough to learn to make breakfast for themselves... that will buy me a few more minutes? Right?

"WWMSD" - A Mother's Day Dilemma

So instead of WWJD - which if you know me I think is absolutely ridiculous (there goes 2 of my 5 readers..) What Would Martha Stewart Do is what went through the head of my 'friend' today.

The scene: Mother's Day. Loving Mother had been busy taking small children to swim lessons and scrubbing the scum off the deck etc etc.. and had left a very small window of time to prepare a pasta salad for a 3:30 Mother's Day BBQ.

As this fabulous Mother was making lunch for her family - at the same time boiling pasta noodles so they would cool in time to make pasta salad, disaster struck.

The fabulous big red bowl (with a lid!) that held cooling pasta in the fridge.... jumped OUT of the fridge when the door was opened. Half of the pasta noodles hit floor. Oh no!!! There is no time in the schedule for this!! No no no! And the thought went through my 'friend's' head. Hmm.. floor was just cleaned. Pasta noodles can be thoroughly washed... WWMSD WWMSD WWMSD - What would Martha Stewart Do? I'm sure she would have thought ahead and made extra. Damn her. And if you watch Gordon Ramsey you know he'd rip you a new one if you picked ANYTHING off the floor, and rightly so. But those kitchens on TV are disgusting! And yes, this 'friend' of mine had taken many a food handler's permit classes - she knew the 'RIGHT' answer.. but what was the right answer for a frazzled Mom on Mother's Day who only had a short amount of time to produce a fabulous dish for a BBQ?

You my readers were not at this BBQ, so I can tell you this. She scooped them off the floor - almost within the '5 second' window.. and washed the heck out of them. And went thru them individually to make sure they were not truly polluted. And then she made a fabulous pasta salad. And took it to a BBQ. And fed it to her children, friends and total strangers. (and she ate some herself.) And she's totally okay with this. Right answer? Wrong answer? What have you done within the 'grey area' of appropriateness? You know she's not alone...