Grocery Store With Children: My Kryptonite

I've found it. Having just returned from what was supposed to be a 'quick' run to the grocery store with my two girls - I am once again vowing to NEVER go assisted to the grocery store again. Ever.

Seriously. My two often well behaved children somehow just push my buttons the minute we hit a store. I would not typically take them with me, but when there is nothing to make a decent meal in the house and I've been stressed out cramming to get work done and know that I have to make lunches and be out the door in the AM - it calls for desperate measures.

After the discussions and negotiations as to who will sit or ride where, why children can't hang off the cart on one side as we roll down the aisle (sideswiping elderly people making our way past the bread is NOT okay..) there's always the urgent 'I'm going to have an accident' cry so that you have to high tail your cart back to the grimy bathroom and park it catty wampus hoping no one will think you've abandoned it. And the whining. I can't take it.

I seriously turn into that super mean Mom who finds fault with every move my child makes. After watching the stepping on of a box of crackers while we wait (as usual) at the deli I resort to the angry arm pull that could easily have someone calling for a CPS investigation. Along with that I pull out the angry whispery voice, vowing no cartoons or any sort of fun when we return home.

I'm frustrated and short tempered and just mean all the way around. I have to say THANK YOU to the store manager (who for the second time) sees my frustration and whisks my cart into a closed lane and checks me out in record time. I know she has kids and I am so so grateful to her for those Mom moves.

So I think I'll have to resort to my co worker's claim of preferring to go shopping at midnight than with children. And if it means that dinner consists of garbanzo beans and some kind conglomeration of pastas left in the cupboard. So be it.

10-4 Little Buddy

My 6 year old has a great little friend who we found out when she started school - lives just down the hill from us. Sadly not like "walk down the path" down the hill, more like - bring your machete and battle rabid raccoons and 15 foot black berry bushes while traversing a steep incline, down the hill. But we're working on a solution.

So S - as I'll call her- had a birthday this week and Jeff thought up the fun idea of giving her half of a set of walkie talkies. I thought it was a fantastic and fun idea for 6 year olds and we made it happen.

Yesterday as I was feverishly working I kept hearing something from the play room - thinking it was that creepy puzzle that makes noises at random times, I finally got up to investigate. Oh no - it was S demanding to know where Kate was via the new walkie talkie.

Now from most little kids I can't tolerate bossiness but this little bit cracks me up. She's goofy, and huggy and ridiculously cute and her family and parents are probably some of the nicest people I've ever met.

So yes, I spent a good 5-10 minutes on a walkie talkie with a just turned 6 year old who was demanding to know when my daughter would be home and could I make it happen sooner.

And it's apparent that the telling time portion of kindergarten was not mastered before school was out, because even though I said 2:30 - there were multiple inquiries prior to that time. And I answered every one.

Over and Out Sister!

High Maintinence - Elevated to Code Red

If you know me, you know I'm a strawberry blondish frecklish mess. Of course that didn't stop me from oh say...1988-1997 -laying many a day on my fun island in the middle of the lake wearing baby oil and Sun In. (Of course all while listening to mixed tapes on my 'boom box'). And I may have hit a tanning bed or two while in my twenties (hello, there was one at my Ad Agency!)

So now as my 37th Birthday is rapidly approaching (gasp? what?!) I'm obsessed with trying to look young, stay young, prevent wrinkles and sags and what have you. I headed to the Dermatologist for my yearly "freckle check". Eegads. I know I have sun damage - and I wear SPF makeup (Laura Mercier -) but I do admit to being slow to put on the sunblock on a sunny day.. hoping for a little 'color' first. Um yeah. No more.

So she gave me the once over, said the thing I was worried about was nothing, but that she needed to freeze the two pre cancerous areas on my chest and face?! And is immediately holding some big spritzer of liquid nitrogen or whatever it is that they use to do that. Gulp! I could barely stammer that I had a social gathering to attend that night, before I was frozen and zinged and dazedly walked out with instructions to begin wearing hats, mineral sun block and come back every six months for checks.

So now my morning routine is getting WORSE as I get older.. not easier. I have to add 10 minutes for all the stupid lotions and liquids I have to put on to maintain any prayer of semi presentable bod.

When you get out of the shower (after having to do all those ministrations)- it's just the beginning; Deoderant (of course the uber strong enough for sweaty baboons kind), self tanning lotion for the legs (currently enjoying Jergens?! and it doesn't make me stink like fake tanner!) , toner for the face, Tend Skin for the bikini region (because why would you use anything else?), moisturizer for the face, SkinCeuticals (actually like this stuff) for the face, DIFFERENT sun block (that smells good and is like lotion) for the arms and shoulders and that's all before trying to pick out an outfit and put on make up - forget having time for decent hair!

How the heck do strippers do this? I mean this is just for one Mom - who's biggest social engagement of the day might mean a glass of wine with other Mom friends that evening. Or running into someone you know at the grocery store. All of this is completely lost on a husband - who has no clue or appreciation for this zaniness. And sadly, now that my mineral sunblock means NO color of any kind - I'm heading up pronto to get the latest sun less tanning lotion (Lancome Flash Bronzer-have seen rave reviews - will report back.) for my face and chest.. I'm thinking that the kids are old enough to learn to make breakfast for themselves... that will buy me a few more minutes? Right?

"WWMSD" - A Mother's Day Dilemma

So instead of WWJD - which if you know me I think is absolutely ridiculous (there goes 2 of my 5 readers..) What Would Martha Stewart Do is what went through the head of my 'friend' today.

The scene: Mother's Day. Loving Mother had been busy taking small children to swim lessons and scrubbing the scum off the deck etc etc.. and had left a very small window of time to prepare a pasta salad for a 3:30 Mother's Day BBQ.

As this fabulous Mother was making lunch for her family - at the same time boiling pasta noodles so they would cool in time to make pasta salad, disaster struck.

The fabulous big red bowl (with a lid!) that held cooling pasta in the fridge.... jumped OUT of the fridge when the door was opened. Half of the pasta noodles hit floor. Oh no!!! There is no time in the schedule for this!! No no no! And the thought went through my 'friend's' head. Hmm.. floor was just cleaned. Pasta noodles can be thoroughly washed... WWMSD WWMSD WWMSD - What would Martha Stewart Do? I'm sure she would have thought ahead and made extra. Damn her. And if you watch Gordon Ramsey you know he'd rip you a new one if you picked ANYTHING off the floor, and rightly so. But those kitchens on TV are disgusting! And yes, this 'friend' of mine had taken many a food handler's permit classes - she knew the 'RIGHT' answer.. but what was the right answer for a frazzled Mom on Mother's Day who only had a short amount of time to produce a fabulous dish for a BBQ?

You my readers were not at this BBQ, so I can tell you this. She scooped them off the floor - almost within the '5 second' window.. and washed the heck out of them. And went thru them individually to make sure they were not truly polluted. And then she made a fabulous pasta salad. And took it to a BBQ. And fed it to her children, friends and total strangers. (and she ate some herself.) And she's totally okay with this. Right answer? Wrong answer? What have you done within the 'grey area' of appropriateness? You know she's not alone...

Oh Noooo!!!! Uh Oh Moments for a 'Shoe Girl'

I love shoes. I love clothes. I love shopping. Yeah, yeah, I love my family and kids and sunsets and all that stuff to. But I really love shoes. Oh and purses, but this about shoes.

I've been on the hunt for a neutral wedge for summer.I toyed with the clog trend, but eh.. don't think that's going to do my legs any favors. I had a fantastic pair of Michael Kors I got two summers ago and it's time to retire them. Sadly. I love them. But if the adage is true that you can judge a girl by her shoe, then wearing these I am a schleppy, unkempt, banged up type of girl and I'm not okay with that.

I don't know 'exactly' what I'm looking for - but I know I'll 'feel it'. So today I swung by Nordstrom Rack for a quick drive by. There were some contenders and I was walking around doing the one shoe try on - when it hit. That moment. When I tried on a shoe and it was COMFORTABLE and I was excited by that. And I put back the sassy pump in my hand. And I envisioned myself grocery shopping in the comfy shoe. Oh crap! I was afraid this would happen with my career change - and I swore it wouldn't.

I almost texted a picture of the shoes in question - to my fashionista former co worker who is 20something. I needed a 2nd opinion - but was afraid to hear the answer.

So I am now the owner of a pair of shoes that I chose for comfort before fashion. And I'm sad about that. But I'm also am able volunteer for a Kindergarten field trip at the zoo - and chase after rouge 6 year olds without breaking my neck or having to break into my stash of mole skin.

So clearly, my next purchase will be some ridiculous pair of shoes just to prove that I am not fulfilling any dreaded sterotypes....

Random Sightings and Other Blatherings

First off - I just have to say that nothing makes a girl feel like a million bucks like a fabulous eyebrow wax. Seriously. I had some overgrowth going on and I finally got in to see my favorite esthetician at The Wax Bar. It might also be because I finally did my hair, as opposed to sticking 18 bobby pins in my curly mess and pretending that it's boho chic.

On a separate side note - I've had lots of internal conversations and feel the need to share - of course along with some of the most bizarre sightings:

- Observation; this new working remotely thing can be great and also sometimes super annoying. Idea of drinking latte while enjoying the hum of the local coffee shop - not always as fun as one would think. I.e. I'm going to say that I prefer my office co workers and their idiosyncrasies vs the super annoying lady who thinks she owns the coffee shop. With her pink cell phone holder and bad lipstick..

-Self Awareness of the Week; I do not have road rage as compared to COSTCO rage. I seriously considered running OVER some bia on the way out of the store. And in the meat aisle (Emily - I found the Turkey thanks!) And did the lady who rammed my arse with her cart while we were waiting in line apologize? NO! Really is this stress to my state of inner peace worth it for the big box of Stretch Island Fruit Leather? It might be.


Bizarre Sightings of the week:
- Woman smoking a cigarette in front of PCC. (Really?)

- Grampa Man lighting up a cigarette in the parking lot of my daughter's grade school. While school is in session. (Is that allowed?I'm thinking it's part of the no handguns, no knives sign..)

-My neighbor in her bathrobe getting the paper. Okay, so that's not so bizarre, but it got me thinking, do alot of people still wear robes?

Am I the only one with insane dialogue going on all the time?

Have a great week everyone...

The Secret Lives of Seniors

And by Seniors - I don't mean last year of high school. Today my schedule was such that I needed to borrow the showers at my health club after meeting my partner for a run. Did you know there's a WHOLE other world out there at 11AM on a Thursday!?

Well I do now. I felt like an anthropologist, or as though I were visiting a foreign country or something of the sort. I apparently timed it just right to hit the locker rooms at the end of Silver Sneakers and right before Senior Splash. First of all - I have to say hats off to these 70+ something gals who are at the gym getting their move on. On the other hand I was not mentally prepared to contemplate my own body's future 30+ years down the road as you are forced to do in such circumstances. Eeek.

Clearly I was an interloper and had set up my gym bag shop in someone's regular Thursday spot. That didn't stop her from just bulldozing over me to get to her personal full time locker. But the best part was eavesdropping on the conversations.

We forget in our digital, fast paced, Black Berry, I pod, Utube, Iphone world that there are generations of folks out there who have no clue about this stuff. These particular ladies were discussing some upcoming travel to their timeshare (of course).

Apparently there was some drama about needing important email confirmation. (Dial up I'm sure..) At the end of the story that included her making lots of phone calls but being routed back to accessing things online - the magical email appeared and she and her husband danced around theh room at the joy of it's arrival. And they really did! It wasn't a euphamism!

Her one upper friend says, 'I don't have to deal with all that email stuff, my children take care of all my travel arrangements for me'. Touche. To which the story teller replied that 'oh yes, my kids do too, just in this instance......'.

I got tips on a housecleaning service while putting makeup on in the mirror and stared at the gaggles of men and women gathered in the lobby seating kibitzing about the week. THIS is what the 'Club' in fitness club really means I guess! And here I thought all the Grammas and Grampas were just out cruising under the speed limit when I was trying to get somewhere in the middle of the day!