High Maintinence - Elevated to Code Red

If you know me, you know I'm a strawberry blondish frecklish mess. Of course that didn't stop me from oh say...1988-1997 -laying many a day on my fun island in the middle of the lake wearing baby oil and Sun In. (Of course all while listening to mixed tapes on my 'boom box'). And I may have hit a tanning bed or two while in my twenties (hello, there was one at my Ad Agency!)

So now as my 37th Birthday is rapidly approaching (gasp? what?!) I'm obsessed with trying to look young, stay young, prevent wrinkles and sags and what have you. I headed to the Dermatologist for my yearly "freckle check". Eegads. I know I have sun damage - and I wear SPF makeup (Laura Mercier -) but I do admit to being slow to put on the sunblock on a sunny day.. hoping for a little 'color' first. Um yeah. No more.

So she gave me the once over, said the thing I was worried about was nothing, but that she needed to freeze the two pre cancerous areas on my chest and face?! And is immediately holding some big spritzer of liquid nitrogen or whatever it is that they use to do that. Gulp! I could barely stammer that I had a social gathering to attend that night, before I was frozen and zinged and dazedly walked out with instructions to begin wearing hats, mineral sun block and come back every six months for checks.

So now my morning routine is getting WORSE as I get older.. not easier. I have to add 10 minutes for all the stupid lotions and liquids I have to put on to maintain any prayer of semi presentable bod.

When you get out of the shower (after having to do all those ministrations)- it's just the beginning; Deoderant (of course the uber strong enough for sweaty baboons kind), self tanning lotion for the legs (currently enjoying Jergens?! and it doesn't make me stink like fake tanner!) , toner for the face, Tend Skin for the bikini region (because why would you use anything else?), moisturizer for the face, SkinCeuticals (actually like this stuff) for the face, DIFFERENT sun block (that smells good and is like lotion) for the arms and shoulders and that's all before trying to pick out an outfit and put on make up - forget having time for decent hair!

How the heck do strippers do this? I mean this is just for one Mom - who's biggest social engagement of the day might mean a glass of wine with other Mom friends that evening. Or running into someone you know at the grocery store. All of this is completely lost on a husband - who has no clue or appreciation for this zaniness. And sadly, now that my mineral sunblock means NO color of any kind - I'm heading up pronto to get the latest sun less tanning lotion (Lancome Flash Bronzer-have seen rave reviews - will report back.) for my face and chest.. I'm thinking that the kids are old enough to learn to make breakfast for themselves... that will buy me a few more minutes? Right?

"WWMSD" - A Mother's Day Dilemma

So instead of WWJD - which if you know me I think is absolutely ridiculous (there goes 2 of my 5 readers..) What Would Martha Stewart Do is what went through the head of my 'friend' today.

The scene: Mother's Day. Loving Mother had been busy taking small children to swim lessons and scrubbing the scum off the deck etc etc.. and had left a very small window of time to prepare a pasta salad for a 3:30 Mother's Day BBQ.

As this fabulous Mother was making lunch for her family - at the same time boiling pasta noodles so they would cool in time to make pasta salad, disaster struck.

The fabulous big red bowl (with a lid!) that held cooling pasta in the fridge.... jumped OUT of the fridge when the door was opened. Half of the pasta noodles hit floor. Oh no!!! There is no time in the schedule for this!! No no no! And the thought went through my 'friend's' head. Hmm.. floor was just cleaned. Pasta noodles can be thoroughly washed... WWMSD WWMSD WWMSD - What would Martha Stewart Do? I'm sure she would have thought ahead and made extra. Damn her. And if you watch Gordon Ramsey you know he'd rip you a new one if you picked ANYTHING off the floor, and rightly so. But those kitchens on TV are disgusting! And yes, this 'friend' of mine had taken many a food handler's permit classes - she knew the 'RIGHT' answer.. but what was the right answer for a frazzled Mom on Mother's Day who only had a short amount of time to produce a fabulous dish for a BBQ?

You my readers were not at this BBQ, so I can tell you this. She scooped them off the floor - almost within the '5 second' window.. and washed the heck out of them. And went thru them individually to make sure they were not truly polluted. And then she made a fabulous pasta salad. And took it to a BBQ. And fed it to her children, friends and total strangers. (and she ate some herself.) And she's totally okay with this. Right answer? Wrong answer? What have you done within the 'grey area' of appropriateness? You know she's not alone...